PFT Commenter's strong takes are presented as PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional ... we think. -Ed.
Possibly the big news of the day on a day filled with big news is the trade of Blaine Gabbert to the San Francisco 49ers. They gave up a 6 round pick, a kings ransom to bring in the troubled QB.
I think it just would of been the best thing ever if right after the trade Harbaugh had held a press conference and cut Blaine Gabbert right then and there. Just making rock-solid eyecontact the whole time with the camera staring into Pete Carrols sole letting him know hes dealing with a madman like in a movie where the bad guy just executes someone just to be cool.
SB Nation NFL
SB Nation NFL
You hear us talk about a "change of scenery" well going from Jacksonville to SF is more like a change of stage, costume and actors. He's going to have to make the switch to a Wine and cheese crowd coming from Wild Irish Rose and Slim Jims folks. He's moving to a town where all they do is talk about smartphones all day- that actually wont be hard to adjust to except in Jacksonville when they bitch about apps its because they cant afford to order them at Fridays. Intrested to see how Blaine reacts to playing in a city where they drive cars with mufflers and invite there neighbors over for dinner instead of stealing there wives underwear and using them as washcloths no offense to residents of the lovely city of Jacksonville.
Florida is probably having there own Mardi Gras celebration now that Gabberts gone but in Jacksonville every Tuesday is fat tuesday. Only instead of throwing beads around womens necks who flash them, they throw riding lawnmower tires around any chick in a giant Taz T-Shirt. Really a wonderful tradition.
Enough about Jaguars fans lets talk about his future: First of all theres some controvercy in that hes got the contract that Kapernick wishes he had.
Gabberts simply demonstrating the Macklemore effect where a white guy does the same thing as a heavily tattood minority from Californa, does a worst job of it and gets paid more.
Gabbert is basicaly Alex Smith with bigger hands and a bigger heart. He also didnt have 5 NFL seasons to learn bad habits. He's only had 3 so technicaly Blaine Gabbert might be a steal for a 6 round pick. Coach Jim Harbaughs a "Quarterback whisperer" but its clear hed have better luck communicating with a stud horse then in whatever language Kaepernicks favorite Drake album is recorded in, not to be offensive.
I truly think the 9ers are being smart here. They might be bringing Gabbert in as a "decoy" since he throws so many ducks! I'm just having some fun with it but seriously Gabbert has a better arm then Kaepernick- he doesnt have any tattoos on it!
People were saying that the Jags would of been lucky to get a pile of lunchmeat for Gabbert, so I guess its fitting that hes "Going to San Francisco"- a city thats known better for choking in the 4th quarter then on a ham sandwich.