PFT Commenter's strong takes are presented as PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional ... we think. -Ed.
Monday was a alltime great for NFL reporters Adam Schefter and Ed Werder. The two of them combined to break twitter records as well as NSA servers with the amount of information they were putting out on the web. They were a tag team wonder- sharing storys and breaking news together like best pals:
So I went back and thought "hey that would make just a outstanding TV show." So without farther ado- may I present to you: "No Comment" starring Adam Shefter and Ed Werder
Its a snowy Bristol morning and Adam Shefter walks past Ed Werders locker in the ESPN hallways. Adam Shefters wearing his backpack over one shoulder obvously and Eds wearing a golf shirt tucked in to jeans, also obvously.
Shefter: Hey Ed whats the haps?
Werder: Not much Adam, pal. Im nervous about the big dance and I still dont have a date!
Shefter: I thought you were going with Michelle Beadle, is she back with her old boyfriend, PFT Commenter?
Werder: Well I asked her a couple months a go but I cant take her now! Remember Principle Skipper said were not suppose to date coworkers.
Shefter: Bum-O Ed! Anyhow I'll see you back at the apartment did you want me to pick you up anything for lunch?
Werder: How about a roast beef sandwich?
Shefter& Werder together: *Pause* No Comment!
(Crowd absolutley goes nuts with laughter fade into applause for outstanding writing)
Back at the apartment, Werders sitting around shirtless when Shefter walks in.
Shefter: Sup Ed? Whats the haps?
Werder: Just chillin. Ive got sources on the phone waiting to tell me whose going to sign Darrelle Revis.
Shefter: Me too! Hey Can you take a picture of me on the phone and then holding my other phone so you can tweet it and Ill look cool?
Werder: Awesome idea! Ok hold your phone to your ear.
Shefter: LOL! haha this is so random!
Werder: Ok pretend your talking to someone.
Shefter: (pretending to talk) Oh yea Mr. Jerry Jones well you can kiss my butt!
Werder: LOL! OMG look how funny this turned out. What should I hashtag it? How bout "WorkingHard"
Shefter: More like "HardlyWorking"!
Shefter: Say Ed who're you talking to anyways?
Shefter: Whose "Sources"?
Shefter: Nonya Who?
Werder: Nonya Business
Shefter: Shut up your such a catty bitch sometimes no offense. Who is it?
Werder: I told you Im not telling!
Adam walks over to Ed and tries to grab his cell phone.
Shefter: Give me that!
The two struggle and struggle fall down on the ground and start rolling around trying to wrestel the phone away from each other. Ed ends up on top of Adam and is using his powerful thights as leverage.
Chris Broussard walks in.
Broussard slowly walks back out of the room looking like hes goignt to kill someone.
Shefter and Werder together: AWWWWWWWKWARD.
Audience: (shits themselfs laughing)
Just then Shefter snatches Werders phone away and looks at the screen.
Shefter: Drew Rosenhaus. You bitch bastard! Thats MY source.
Werder: I didnt see your name on it.
Shefter: I was talking to him first and you knew Ive been passing notes with him and that he told T.O. who told Jeff Garcia who told Mark Brunell that he thought I was a good reporter. He was going to be MY source!
Werder: Your just jealous because he likes me more then you!
Shefter: As if! Thats it Ed Im calling Principle Skipper hes going to send you down to live inside the Dallas Cowboys butthole again for another year.
Werder: Oh yea well Im going to call your boyfriend Mike Shanahan and tell him that your about to report a nugget that Kyle Shanahan and Freeway Rick Ross are the only two people who have had their employment options limited to Baltimore and Cleveland.
Shefter: You wouldnt!
Werder: Just try me.
Shefter: Ok Ok Ok. Im sorry. We dont have to do that to each other but you have to at least agree that Drew Rosenhouse is MY source.
Werder: I say we let him decide.
Shefter: Your on. We'll both upload new reporting selfies to instagram at the SAME TIME and whoevers he "likes" first gets him as a source.
Werder: Deal. OMG I love us.
Shefter: Ready. Set. Go!
They stare at there phones.
They keep staring.
Adam and Ed: THAT HOE!!!
Roll credit's then my logo for "PC Police Productons:"
Chris Broussard: ITS ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND ED!!!!!!