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Better things to do with $133 million

Football players are a stupid investment when you could buy electronics and groceries.

As teams prepare for the upcoming free agency period, the NFL has announced that the salary cap will be $133 million. That's a lot of money to spend on your Jimmy Grahams and your Brian Orakpos or anything else, really.

As a matter of fact, if you gave me the keys to an NFL franchise, there's a very good chance that I would just sell the team immediately for a billion dollars and go get arrested in every time zone within a calendar year. Here's a complete and final list of other good or terrible things that you could spend the $133 million salary cap on instead of stupid expensive football players.

  • Two Monster HDMI cables
  • You could finally do CrossFit
  • Four complete NFL teams of Russell Wilsons and Danny Woodheads
  • One and a third Albert Haynesworths
  • Rob Ryan's entire Mardi Gras bar tab
  • "A 30-year-old square peg and a round hole"- Dan Snyder
  • 80 percent of the Dallas Cowboys roster
  • Pay me to eat in a Subway 133 times
  • You could shop at Whole Foods twice a month for the rest of your life
  • Happiness
  • The construction of an 85 degree lazy river that circles my house and flushes for me to use instead of a toilet
  • You could get so laid, I bet
  • NFL Europe
  • 14,777,777 pairs of khakis for Jim Harbaugh
  • Slight upgrades to the 17-inch replay TVs the refs use on the field
  • Clone every Manning
  • I don't know. Like a decent pension plan for retired players or whatever