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NFL GMs take every player off their big boards

"I think they all suck" said one anonymous GM.

Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports

According to numerous reports citing multiple red flags and off the field concerns, NFL General Managers have taken every eligible player off their draft boards.

"I don't think anyone is going to get drafted this year," said one high profile executive. "The value's just not there to waste a high pick on any amateur football players, and you don't get ahead in the NFL by reaching. I don't like anyone and I think they are all divas and overrated."

The NFL Draft has become an entertainment event of its own recently, drawing larger TV audiences than some NBA Finals games. This year many league sources believe that the draft could yield record ratings despite the fact that no one will be selected at all according to one talent evaluator.

"None of these players have ever won a Super Bowl. I sat down and watched film on these guys and it became apparent pretty quickly that all these games were played on Saturdays. Not a single guy has any experience playing on Sundays. See now, that's a red flag to me. Shoot, all these guys have so many red flags I'd make a parachute and take my chances jumping out of a single-engine aircraft before I would draft them."

When reached for comment, one fan of the New York Jets was not happy with this strategy, "Boo" he said. "There (sic) all bums."

ESPN's Jon Gruden confirmed what we heard from front office people. "Man I just like all the current NFL players too much to take a chance on a rookie. These guys can play, I'll tell ya, I like what I see. You don't win championships by changing horses in midstream unless you've got a broken down old mare named Dungy."

One high-ranking league official seemed to agree, saying, "this is my job on the line here. If you swing and miss on a first rounder, your career's done.

one NFL scout told us that their investigations turned up "significant" concerns for every single player.

"There's no sure-fire elite player in this class, and to be honest I don't see one until Marshall Manning's NFL-ready in 2034. I've got Tom Savage graded out as a possible seventh rounder, he's a pro-guy, pocket-guy, big arm, throw-maker, but the value's just not there to take anyone before Sunday. You don't get ahead by drafting 6th round talent in the 3rd, I don't care how many college awards they've won. This is the NFL."

With so much money on the line, NFL teams conduct rigorous background checks to make sure that they're not throwing their money away on a player with character issues. Speaking on the condition on anonymity, one NFL scout told us that their investigations turned up "significant" concerns for every single player.

"Well first of all, everyone in this draft has watched pornography online. Many of them drink alcohol, which as we all know is closely associated with gang activity between the years 1920 and 1929. You have to make better decisions than that about who you're choosing to hang out with. So that's number one. Number two is the work ethic. None of these guys have ever even had a job. I worked my way through college. They've got no idea what it's like to earn a paycheck or be a professional.

"Many NFL employees have spent their whole lives working for the NFL- guys like your Schottenheimers and your Kyle Shanahans and your Chris Polians were raised the right way. Now you're asking me to take a guy off the street? I was born at night, but not last night.

"Sorry," he added.

Another GM was kind enough to let us inside his team's war room which just had a blank draft chart and binders of scouting reports. He was quite candid with his assessment, saying "We're going 'best player available' all weekend. Turnovers absolutely kill you in this league and a vacated pick never threw an interception."

Nevertheless, ESPN is planning on expanding its draft day coverage this year by adding a four hour pre-game special followed by three days of Chris Berman and Mel Kiper, Jr. on live television speaking extemporaneously.