clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Some 'football on your phone' commercials we'd like to see

DIRECTV needs to step its ad game up. Here are several scripts that I wrote designed to appeal to the common REAL NFL football fan.

Jerod Harris

PFT Commenter is a football fan with strong takes. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

The best part about NFL games is the commercials after touchdowns when your keeping one ear open from the john as your making room for some more beers.

But DIRECTV has really dropped the ball (like a football term) when it comes to promoting there "Football on your phone" service. I HATED the rap song Peyton and Cooper Manning did last year. So I decided to start watching MadMen and drinking more liquor so I could write there ads this season. Hey DIRECTV I can work for cheap just give me a contract and I'll get more copy to you sometime between noon and 6 PM!!!!!!! (Like a cable guy). Here are the commercials:

Scenario 1: "The Recital"

Theres a Dad at his daughters music recital deal. He dosent really care but he pays a teacher $40 a week for her to get out of the house so he can try to have sex with the girls Mom, but the Moms allways on Pintrest the whole time so its a waste of money. Anyways the guys at his daughters recital for her drum or whatever the hell. The dads wearing a Jets tie clip just incase they'res another guy at the recital whose a Jets fan so they can identify each other in secret code and maybe he'll have a flask or something.

DAUGHTER: (Walk out on stage wearing some outfit her Mom made her. The moms crying because women get to emotional about there children.)

DAD: (halfassed) Woooo. Lets go Jo! (He name her after Joe Namath)

The Dad sits down while she tries to play the drums but girls arent really meant to be drummers that pretty obvous. He puts in his walkman headphones because the games on , and its fading in and out. He barely hears the announcer.

DAD: COME ON! (in a real loud whisper)

His daughter stops playing for a second because her dads being a distracton but she starts back up again instead of being a diva about it.

SOUND GUY UP IN THE BOOTH OF AUDATORIUM: (Wathing Football on his phone. The picture and sound is coming in clear as day. The Jets score a touchdown (remember this is fiction obvously) the sound guy goes nuts and acidentally turns his microphone on as he's pounding on the equipment.)

SOUND GUY: J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!!!!!!

The audence thinks that its the girl on drums playing the Jets beat. They start chanting along and give her a standing ovation. She wasnt done playing yet

Scenario 2: "EuroTrip"

A American Man is walking through the streets of London with his mom. Her husband died a while back (probly of boredom) and shes always wanted to go to Europoe. Shes got a map out of where Big Ben is because she wants to see all the weird sites,, and they pass a pub with signs in literally every window that say "LIVE FOOTBALL!!!" The man looks at his mom and points inside but she checks her watch and points at the map. He holds up 1 finger

AMERICAN MAN: "Cmon just a beer!" They go inside.

He gets in there and the place is a standing room olny shit show. Everyones screaming and cheering and booing and its awesome. Hot bartenders wearing young school girl outfits literally look like hot high schoolers. Anyways The guys like nodding like "this is my kind a bar." Then he looks up at the TV.

STOP MOTION ZOOM ON HIS FACE- Its soccer. He forgot they call soccer "football" like a bunch of socalists. WTF does he do? He pulls out his football on his phone is what he does.

There a NFL game on on and he starts cheering and downing pints and cheersing the locals. Its beutiful really. 2 great cultures sharing a football hang. Every one else is watching the soccer on the TVs except the American is watching real football on his phone. Gradualy the crowd starts to get less rowdy because the soccer games in like the 3rd quater and its still 0-0. The football game is like 33-27 and the Pats are driving to take the lead. Everyone in the bar starts turning toward's the Americans phone and getting into it.

Finally the exitements back in the bar and the place just absolutley explodes with beers and yells when Big Ben throws a strike to Heath Miller for the win. There all cheersing each other and the mom like made a friend with a bartender and they're talking about cats or whatever and the guys the new celebrity of England in that bar. One of the guys puts a local soccer teams scarf around the American in celebration and the music stops.

They just look at each other the guy hands the British guy a terrible towel and has sex with the bartender.

Scenario 3: "When ya gotta go..."

A man (FOOTBALL FAN 1) is at a move theater on a date. His date looks absolutley NOTHING like her Tindr profile pic. There watching some real tear jerker with the chick from knocked up in it.  He clutches his stomach because he ate most of there popcorn during coming attractions.

FOOTBALL FAN 1: Excuse me. (He gets up to leave and walk's into a bathroom stall. He start's cranking a brown and looks over. Hes out of TP. Uh oh. But theres a guy in the stall next to him)

FOOTBALL FAN 1: Hey buddy. Do you have a extra toilet paper?

FOOTBALL FAN 2: (You can only see his feet from the stall- but hes watching football on his phone) Huh. Sorry Im just watching the game. Check it out. Its on my phone.

FOOTBALL FAN 2 holds the phone low between the to stalls so the other guy can watch to. You can see FOOTBALL FAN 2s hands, he has like 3 awesome rings on his fingers. The 2 guys just sit there til the games over cheering and pooing and FOOTBALL FAN 1 just gets up to leave and walks out to meet his date. He sees her outside the bath room still crying from the movie. Just then, FOOTBALL FAN 2 walks past him confidently (IT'S MARK SCHLERETH!!!). Schlereth meets his wife shes been crying from the movie too. He grabs some tissues from her and turns around to FOOTBALL FAN 1.

FOOTBALL FAN 2 (MARK SCHLERETH): (He tosses back the remaning pack of kleenex) Hey kid,, catch.