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Cheattle Cheathawks can only win by cheating beacuse they're cheaters

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The children who watched this at home need to be told that there's no excuse for what they saw in last night's shameful display of trickery.

Jonathan Ferrey

PFT Commenter's strong takes are presented as parody. All spelling errors are intentional (we think). Sorry, not sorry. -Ed.

In todays NFL I guess i doesnt matter if you win ugly as long as you just win baby. Id personaly rather win as a adult not a petulant child hellbent on smashing decorum and the rulebook into a thousand pieces but hey I guess I'm just old fashion.

Mike Tomlin crossed alot of lines last year when he stepped on the field and rightfully he got hit by the NFL with a fine and a loss of draft picks if his team played good. The NFL was right to do that.

But Pete Carrol is even worse. He's the Macklemore to Mike Tomlins DMX. Carrol takes the underlying CONCEPT of cheating that Mike Tomlin practiced but does it in a nonthreatning sinister way were parents will be ok with letting there kids listen to it or run his plays. Therefore its MORE dangerous when he does it. The greatest trick Pete Carrols ever done is convincing the world that he wasnt only 3-2 in his last 5 games counting the preseason.

The Seattle Seahawks offense is based on lying. Thats it. You cant make any argument any other way.

If last night taught us anything about the National Football League it was that Carrol lives and breathes by the motto "bend but dont break" whether its the NFL rulebook, or the nature of steel beems when exposed to burning jet fuel. The Packers should of been playing that game under protest after the Cheathawks exposed a technicalty in the rules by throwing a forward pass when they clearly were pretending to run the ball, among other faux pas.

Lets take a look at the worst example of sportsmanship over the course of a night of cloak and dagger playcalling. I call this THCeattle gameplan "the Munchies offense" because its aboslutley loaded with Rice Krispies on this touchdown "pass":

1. Snap- The center hikes the ball to Russ Wilson who immedately takes a menacing stance almost like hes going to cuss at you or tell his intimidating friend Marshawn to run you over and take youre shoes. Note how the center is allready moving while the balls still in the air. Hes not giving the other team a sporting chance to diagnose the play. You dont want your center out there making highlight reels, you want him to be anonmous. Its like when your driving a car. A cop is allways going to pull over a red ferrari like Julio Jones. A interior lineman should be a conversion van- stay in the slow lane pull those creepy blinds shut,and have some fun on the trip son.


2. Crackle- thats the sound after the record scratch when you realise that rascal Wilson didnt hand the ball off afterall. Ok fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice also shame on you- fibbing doesnt get any better if you tell a lie to get yourself out of the first one.

NFL FACT: Play actions all well and good if executed sportingly,, but if you do too good  a job faking it its a gimmick.

3. Pop- LOOK HOW FAR DOWNFIELD THAT CENTER IS! Hes literaly closer to the Goal line then he should be. But I guess the replacement refs were the problem right?

Folks this isnt the "Fail Mary" its the "Immaculate Deception"


This is just one of the most flagrant acts of cheating commited by the Cheathawks on a night that was suppose to be about fair play and John Kuhn taking a straight ahead downhill dive that every one in the stadium and across the beautiful country knew was coming and they still couldnt stop it.

That to me shows that your able to beat your opponent with one hand tied behind your back- and your fingers dont have to be crossed to do it.