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Create your very own DeflateGate take

The sports world has been literally on fire with strong takes. Learn how to make your own take below!

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

This of all the week's has been filled with the most takes per capita of any other NFL league-week in this history of football. We are quite literally living in the Golden Age of Takes.

In fact the takes this week have been so strong that they regstered on the richter scale at literally a 7.5- creating what Im calling the first ever "Take-Quake"


Now theres aftershocks all over the place. Youve got Peter King suggesting that the NFL take the balls away from there ballboys- literally castrating them. And youve got people saying that Bill Belichick should be fired before the Superbowl- leaving the Patriots in the very capable hands of Josh McDaniels. And then youve got other people lying and saying that all this crap actually makes them like the Patriots more. Just so many takes.

The pros have been literally having a field-day so when Andy Bremmen asked me to help distribute the knowledge of how to make youre own takes to the masses, I literally couldnt say no. Its actualy quite simple. To do this you will need:

-Word processer or ability to cut and paste lines of text

-10 minutes

-Send  a check for $100 to Vox Media 1201 Connecticut Avenue Northwest, Washington, DC 20036. They will make sure I receve it. You may not create your own take unless you send me a hundred dollars. Your on the honor system firewall here.

Instructions: After you pay me 100 of your dollars, copy and paste the following sports column into like a word porcessor or email draft or whatever and fill in the bold/italic lines- you can remember this by thinking "Bold italic takes, what is this- Mike Florio?". So fill in the bold parts before reading of the any other words and then paste your completed madlib in the comment secton below. God bless and God speed.

OR if you want Ive made a online madlib generator thing to make it a little easier for you to complete it and copy/paste. The generator is right here:

The New England Patriots are the best team in the last 15 years. However they are also the football equivelent of infanticide. Or worse. You can be really great at something like (name a really talented person) but also at the same time have spent most of your life destroying enemys like (name the person you hate the most in the history of the world besides Hitler). In fact, in todays society of selfies, (plural version of taco bell menu item that would give you the runs), and (name a hyper specific subgenre of pornography), you have to imagine that (anyone who has died besides Hitler)- a person who tried to live there life the right way- must be rolling over in there grave.

Has the Patriot way become more like easy street? Is this what are founding fathers had in mind when (least racist slave-owning United States president) ratified (the worst thing youve ever read)? Did (name a TE from the Patriots who was arrested for murder in the past 3 years)'s victims die for nothing?

Honestley it seems honest players like (name any white athlete it doesnt even have to be football) wouldnt have a prayer in todays NFL that seems more conducive to (rap artist) culture then (white person with name that starts with same letter as rap artist).

At first I thought the Patriots should be punished and punished hard. I thought the NFL should take (a person within the Patriots organization whose not a player, owner, or coach) and (write 2 sentences describing the worst kind of torture you can possibly imagine). But maybe Im just old fashioned. This would accomplish two things:

1. It would demonstrate that the NFL is not a braindead (a dumb animal) walking around with its toungue sticking out looking like (name anyone whose coached the Browns, Redskins, or Raiders in the last 20 years) on (name a drug of your choice). HOWEVA

2. it would give motivation to Belichick and Brady to win one for the lowly person they put in harms way. Its like when Braveheart intentonally gets his wife killed just so he can get that extra edge of motivaton to go out there and give 110%. You have to make sacrifices like Jesus or that time I (describe a time you did something that was a mild inconvenience). Bradys going to go out for the coinflip with a patch on his shirt for the Pats-y that took the blame and instead of electing to receive he's just going to tell Richard Sherman to put his head between his own legs and kiss his own arse. (Choose either the word "Heck" or "Shoot" your choice), I mean youd think Sherman might actualy enjoy the opportunity to literaly talk shit for a change.

(Insert picture of angry looking Richard Shermen here if you want)

Meanwhile Pete Carrol would be to the moon and back, or at least a sound stage in West Hollywood and back with glee. No reporters are filling up there steno notebooks writing thousand word columns about how Marshawn Lynchs lack of talking dosent give them anything to write about when the Patriots are having more balls removed then (name a famous person who had testicular cancer. Its ok cancers funny when your talking about peoples nuts Im pretty sure) not to be offensive.

But all of this is a bit short sighted. I cant help but feel that theres something more nefarious going on. Perhaps the greatest trick that Tom Brady ever pulled was making you think that deflategate was the worse thing he was doing. Brady wanted to get caught to hide something more sinister. I can guarnetee you theres a whole nother level of cheating going on below the surface that will make deflating a football look like nothing more then deflating a football in comparison. Its kind of ironic to think that the master of the cutoff sweatclothes has something up his sleeve, but I can smell it. Its a slippery slope when you deal with Touchdown Tom and Belichick, and folks this is one BradyBill that needs to be stopped dead in its tracks before there full plan is set into motion. If we remain hyperfocused on the distraction that is DeflateGate you can bet your bottom dollar that the Patriots will be finding another, worse way to to cheat there way back into the winners circle. Its times like these that we need to remain vigilant and remind ourselves that the last person who used improper inflation as a excuse to rise to power was- you guessed it-  (Hitler ).