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Marshawn Lynch deserves a statue

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Much of the media is calling for Lynch to be fined. I say, give the man a raise.

Marshawn Lynch showed up on Media Day and answered questions for five minutes. In those five minutes he answered every question with "I'm just here so I won't get fined." He also had some Skittles and called someone sexy. And it was awesome! More awesome was how it pissed off so many media types. It legitimately made them angry that a grown man refused to play the dull, facetious game of bland question and snooze-inducing answer.

Chris Chase asked for Lynch to be fined, regardless that he, you know, just showed up so he wouldn't get fined. I'm sure he has a reasonable argument for this. Let's see:

"There isn't anything in sports that's more stupid than Super Bowl media day. What used to be a way for reporters to ask genuine questions about the upcoming game has turned into an ongoing circus featuring clowns wearing barrels, cute children asking questions about stuffed animals and Rob Gronkowski being forced to sing and dance after getting asked questions about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West."

WAIT! You can actually just stop after that first sentence. That's it. That's all you need. The whole event is stupid. It's a waste of everyone's time and there are even people that go to it dressed in costume. It's an absolutely ridiculous farce to begin with. But let's continue:

"But for as dumb as Super Bowl media day might be, it's a responsibility of players in the game to show up and sit through all the idiotic questions and requests. Think of it like the weekly work meeting you attend in which nothing gets accomplished except you trying to get a high score on Doodle Jump. You don't need to be there. This charade doesn't need to exist. The charade shouldn't exist. But there are these things called obligations and sometimes you need to suck it up and accept them."

Oh, I see. So the players just have to do it because it's just something that they have to do. It's utterly pointless and doesn't accomplish anything, but they have to sit through it because it's required. That's astonishing logic. For one part, doing something you know is stupid for the sake of doing it to please others is just asinine and weak. Secondly, he showed up for the five minutes as requested; no where does it say that he has to play nice. If he's going to be forced to appear, the least he can do is appear on his own terms. You can't force him to stoop to the same stupidity levels mentioned because it irritates you that he doesn't play nice. He's honestly not the childish one here:

"You bother because it's your job. You probably got up today, especially if you were east of of the Mississippi, looked at the freezing cold outside, felt the warmth of your bed and thought 'I don't want to go to work today.' But you get up anyway because you have an obligation. You have a job, a job that doesn't pay approximately $6 million this season, by the way."

OK, but here's a counterpoint: this is not his job. His job is to be the running back for the Seattle Seahawks. Media Day is just another circle-jerk event for the NFL to profit from and media to gather. You get out everyday and go to work for various reasons -- food, shelter, family -- and to recent knowledge, Lynch shows up to practices and games all the time without failure. And he plays well, consistently. He does his job better than a lot of the running backs in the league. That's what he gets paid for.

He doesn't have an obligation to answer questions and play nice. That's just something extra, like being a computer programmer and being asked to interact with human beings face to face. When you do it, you're not going to be happy about it. Thankfully, Lynch found the lock pick to the game. He has the money to pay the fines and when the fines are just downright outrageous -- in this case $500,000 if he missed Media Day -- he does the bare minimum required. How wonderful is that?

Imagine going to work tomorrow and not actually having to fulfill all the extra, irritating requests that your boss asks you to do, things that are not really in your job description, but you do anyway so you can make the higher-ups happy. Lynch isn't a coward; he goes through with taking the punishment rather than doing idiotic things because he's been asked to do them. He's standing his ground on his person. He's in that work meeting eating candy and answering "I'm just here so I won't get fired" to his boss and dealing with the repercussions that are outlined already.

That's not crude and disrespectful; it's hilarious and great. It's a dream to not have to deal with outlandishly moronic things to please other people. If we all took a cue from Lynch, you could finally tell your spouse, "Hey, I'm just here so you won't leave me" when he/she suggests that terrible movie. You can finally tell the family, "I'm just here so I can eat" when they're all bickering over Thanksgiving dinner. He's being brutally honest and not playing into the NFL's hyper-pompous facade of self-importance, and it's killing some people inside:

"Lynch isn't to be applauded for his essential no-show. He totally blew off his job for the day and was unapologetic about it. Imagine if you did the same."

Doing the same would require not being under the impression that you have to do stupid things to please others. For many, it's hard to grasp that concept and even harder to live with it. The best thing is that Lynch doesn't care. His teammates love and support him, he gets sponsorship money to pay the fines and he's going to play in the Super Bowl.

This man should be getting a statue in every American household rather than being criticized by out-of-touch writers. Make Marshawn an American hero. Plaster his face all over billboards. Put him on game shows so he can tell the host "thanks for asking" after every question. Stop crying that he won't talk to you, it's getting pathetic.