Colin Kapernick is bad. He is a bad QB who is bad at his job. Maybe if they let him do the stuff that he's good at, he could be better.
Listen I've come up with my fair share of idiotic ideas. For example I wrote the last 3 American Pie movies. Hell, as recently as this morning I though Lincoln Chaffee was going to be our next President and was shocked when he told me he was dropping out when I saw him going through my trash for loose cigarettes this morning. But this idea I had last night. this one might be the dumbest of them all.
Maybe they should let Colin Kapernick run with the football every now and again?
Actually no that sounds dumb as hell. Im disappointed with myself for even thinking it. I owe you all a apology as well. The read option dosen't work and its also a gimmick. If you're a dual threat, you dont have one.That much is proven. Just look back over the last 4 years- all its done is won a rookie of the year award, gotten one team to a Superbowl, and won a Superbowl for another team while injuring Robert Griffin. Actually wait that sounds like a pretty chill offence now that I think about it.
And Colin Kapernick is really fast and they might be wasting the only thing good about him by turning him into a more street-wise version of Bryan Hoyer. Its like dating someone with a toungue ring whose got there jaw wired shut. It might sound crazy but maybe the 9ers should be letting him run around like a dizzy cat with its tail on fire like they did when he was one of the most sucesfull QBs in the league.
Never mind thats dumb.
Yeah but on the other hand, Paying Kapernick $50 million to do Kirk Cousins impressions is like paying Bizzy Bone a million dollars to do animal planet voiceovers. The 49ers went out and bought a Chevy Avalanche hybrid but now there too chicken shit to make a few runs to home depot and scrape up the flat-bed.. So now theyve got this sleek lookin hunk of junk park in there driveway with racing stripes, mud tires, and KC headlights, but its always clean, and they want to use it as a commuter to there job down in Santa Clara. Maybe let it run off-road occasonally?
Sike, never mind thats a terrble idea.
Kapernick should continue to run the play-action fake to Manti Teos girlfriend, throw for 124 yards, get sacked for -43, and put up a QBR rating of 9 with zero rushing yards . Its a stat-line that looks like lyrics to a Blaine Gabbert tribute band. And as Rancid as Tomsulas East Bay Offense looks, it might be a big strategy like in every kung fu movie where they have to make Kapernick bad before hes good again in which case the plan is ahead of schedule. He has to unlearn all his good habit's and by the end of the year he will be able to snatch the pebble from Coach Tomsulas hand.
Tomsula is engineering Ka7ernick, from the ground up folks, but he's way too concerned about exposiing him to taking hits, when historically its the non-contact stuff when it comes to building #7 he should be more concern about. The closest he came to getting knocked down by a aircraft last night came when he got hit by attacked by a insect:
Kapernick got flown into by the only dragonfly in the world thats not having sex. Just not a guy who attracts winners.
But I cant help shake this nagging feeling that maybe they should let Kapernick use his whitetail-deer-ass speed to run with the football more like when he set professonal football records in the playoffs and made Green Bay stick there intestines into there own mouths and foie gras themselves with there own gatorady cheesy bratwurst poop for 60 minutes in the playoffs.
Yea but on the other hand he only did it once. Abberation.
Actualy wait up, he did it twice.
Yea but it was a abberation because it was at home.
Actualy hang on a sec, the second time was in Green Bay in January.
I just dont know what to think anymore. Folks, having Colin Kapernick pass from the pocket is such a obvous waste of time Im suprised Congress hasnt commissioned 8 investigations on it yet. When the French are starting to clown you for not putting up a big enough fight, youve got a real problem:
Qui est fautif sur cette action ? Il a le temps de passer la balle, donc ça doit être la faute du WR c'est ça ? https://t.co/M4Vf0UP4fy— NFL France (@NFLFrance) October 23, 2015
Ok this actually makes me feel better. Kapernick is showing signs of improvement, look at those first two overthrows- shows a remakrable amount of consistency to miss your recever by 12 yards on the exact same pass- I can work with that. He might not be accurate but he is precise at least accodring to high school standardize test definition of the word.
And he even displayed tremendous accuracy when he got so mad at his offensive assistant he drilled him directly in the head on the sidelines. Maybe thats the technique the 49ers should preach- have every player piss him off so much during the week that Kapernick ghets back to his roots and tries to injure all his own players by throwing the ball too fast at them. Like in Major League when the catcher couldnt throw it back to the pitcher unless he was talking about porn, maybe Kapernick needs to whisper about how his Recevers are a bunch of dicks to him and maybe he can hit them in stride.
At any rate I think its time to throw some sort of curve in to the 49ers offense, even if there QB wont throw one into the brim of his hat.