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MMBM: Don't blame Odell Beckham Jr. Blame Cam Newton.

Josh Norman almost got himself seriously hurt on Sunday due to a lack of leadership on Cam Newton's part.

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -- The editor.

Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.

Don't blame Odell Beckham for lashing out at Josh Norman.

Blame Cam Newton.

Newtons leadership (or lack thereof) was the single biggest reason why Josh Norman was targeted repeatedly on Sunday. If Norman had a leader that he repsected instead of a drinking buddy wearing a C on his chest, he wouldn't of kept getting into fights, costing his team field position and putting himself in danger in the process. When I was in High School and had the "cool" teacher that let me get away with everything and bought beer for me and loaned me his bike and bought me weird porn I didn't like, I got into alot of fights too.

In addition to not providing good enough leadership for his teamates, Newtons biggest weakness is that he gives his opponets bulletin board material during games. Do you really think the Giants would of been motivated to come back from a 28 point 3rd quarter defcit if the Panthers hadn't built it up in the first place? The fact is that Newton is putting a target on everyone in that lockeroom with how much points he's scoring and all the dancing he's doing, and if I'm Ron Rivera I would of pulled Cam's ass out of the game faster then you could blink. Guess when they say he's a dual threat it just means he's just as likely to hurt his own team as he is the opponent. And with all the protecton that referees are offering to QBs these days, opponents are adapting to take it out verse the defense instead. Its like in America League baseball if a pitcher stares down a dugout, your allowed to throw at their designated hitters face to even it out.

You'll also notice that you dind't see Beckham trying to pick fights earlier this year against Malcolm Butler or Orlando Scandrick out of respect for the leadership of Tom Brady and Greg Hardy. This type of leadership cuts both ways.

Newton was a one-man gang on Sunday, throwing for 5 TDs and running for 100 yards and pretty much all around just being a ball-hog. Even Superman needed the Justice League folks. Even Saddam Hussein had his republican guard. Even Hitler repsected the SS enough to not make them look bad in coverage. But Newtons going to continue to think he can do it all until he gets one of his teamates hurt, or even worse, injured.

After the game Erin Andrews asked Cam what he thought about Norman and Beckhams theatrics and Newton started smiling and laughing, making taking the high road look more like route 420 when he should of been taking responsibility for the mistakes instead of throwing Odell Beckham under the bus. So while I give Newton all the credit for leading a game winning drive with under two minutes left, lets not ignore the fact that all that effort was just so he could get Monday off work, even though todays the winter solstice- literaly the shortest day of the year. Never seen a guy put so much effort into being lazy.

And lets not act like Norman is a inncoent party in all this either. Reader "Lebrees" correctly points out that its called a helmet-to-helmet hit for a reason- takes two to tango. Why was he wearing a helmet in the first place if he wasnt expecting to get hit in it? Sending mixed messages. I call him Josh Mormon because hes on a mission, he's led by a fraud,and as the Panthers answer to bad boy Darren Sharper, hes playing like a latter day Saint.

How much should Cam Newton have been paid this week: Not as much as Tom Brady

Road Grader of the Week: Danny "The Newsboy" Woodhead


Woodhead clobbered the Dolphins so badly that the game film is going to look more like "The Cove" then a football contest folks.

Not only that, but due to his performance, he may of just saved the entire city of San Diego yesterday. Like a hero in a 80s movie where the mean old owners going to sell the town rec center to a property developer, Danny went out there and gave the city a reason to hope with his 4 TDs, galvanizing a communty around their hometown hero. Spanos was all ready to be the Grinch who stole the Chargers until watching Woodhead surely made his heart grow three sizes, which would allmost be as large as one Woodhead heart.

BOLD PREDICTION: Spanos changes his mind at the last second and the Chargers return to San Diego untill its destroyed in a massive earthquake in 20 years or whatever. Feel good story of the millenium.

Fan of the Week: Toilet Fighters

Two morons were fighting each other inside a toilet in New Jersey yesterday but hey enough about Odell Beckham and Josh Norman at MetLife. These superfans were apparently getting pissed off and pissed on and decided to just go at it right then and there.

Even funnier then the actual pictures and video of the fight was watching people pretend to react in horror like its not a extremely common thing guys do. Number 1 is pee, number 2 is poop, and number 3 is getting into a fight while your going number 1 or 2. Its day one stuff as a guy.

Think about it in animal terms. How do animals go around marking there territory in nature? Thats right they pee and poo on stuff to demonstrate there dominance, so its no suprise that emotions and testosterone are at a all-time high when your surrounded by urinals. When a man walks in to a public bathroom, we automatically enter the caveman subconcous of our brains due to all the scent markings, and we're all looking over our shoulders for a velociraptor that might attack, and staring in amazement at the guy whose flicking his lighter. In a NFL restroom, every man is basicaly claiming the entire stadium for himself. If you DONT get into a fight you might as well be telegraphing that your a beta male and not as big a fan as everyone else.

How are the Patriots Cheating Now?

A report came out on Sunday morning that the Patriots were using Tom Bradys fitness guru as a team consultant, and sending players to get physical therapy done at his clinic. Now itd be very easy for me to say that the Pats are handing out steroids like M&Ms and that Tom Brady is no better then a street corner pusher, and that TB12 enterprise is a modern-day BALCO, but thats not what Im going to say.

What I am going to say is that Belicheck is telling his players that this guy is giving them steroids and its having a "Michaels secret stuff" type impact on them. Even Bills not arrogant enough to think he can get away with pumping steroids into his players like a East German Olympic team, but he knows that the playcebo effect is very real and he'd be a fool to not take advantage of it. Plus this morning they just signed Steven Jackson who allthough he is old, dosen't have any of those winter miles on his tires. Classic Patriots late-season additon just to get all the playcalls &audibles in case they run into the Falcons in the Superbowl. Disgusting.

10 Things I Know I Know

1. Folks if theres one person I trust to evaluate who is and is not a Elite Quarterback, its the head coach of the Cleveland Browns.

2. Doug Martin cant just change his nickname after he allready tells you to call him "The Muscle Hamster". Thats not how this works, you cant just give yourself the coolest nickname of all time and then not let me say it, its like if you let me call you my girlfriend once Im not going to stop until you get married. Hes the muscle hamster until he retires or a better player who also has that nickname enters the NFL.

3. Players with dreadlocks or long hair shouldnt be allowed to play because there hair is like mini shock absorbers that prevent concussions almost like a PED. You cant injure a guys brain who looks like he should be at a matisyahu concert its like trying to damage the core of a koosh ball. Unfair advantage.

4. While everyones out there talking about Han Solo, Im more impressed with Captain Kirk aka Han Teamwork. Cousins has been connecting on the deep-space 9 route to Desean Jackson consistantly and throwing the most beautiful unintentional back-shoulder fades in the NFC. The Skins are playing with dangerous weapons, and there road grading opponents in the running game. McCloughan finally has control of personel in DC and your just now seeing what can happen when Scoty gives Captain Kirk all the power.

5. Bill O'Brien says that "Christmas is a distracton" and that he might not give his players Chirstmas Day off and I have to agree with him. This is what we sign up for as NFL fans and players, you have to be more concern about wrapping up a division then you are wrapping up presents. You know who else took Christmas off? Satan.

6. On 3rd & 20 deep in their own territory, the Steelers should of brought in Vick for a situatonal pooch kick.

7. Matt Cassel managed to throw a interception on intentional grounding which is basically like premature ejaclating when your JOing.

8. Maybe Chuck Pagano gets it afterall:

Kind of ironic he used poker- a game thats so dependent on the presence of Luck.

9. Michael Sam earned alot of repsect from me last Friday when he tweeted out some serious Star Wars spoilers about 18 hours after the movie had debuted. Ultimate bad boy move on his part. Ruining sci-fi movies is a lifestyle choice that I have subscribed to for as long as I can remember. If you dont like it thats a you problem so dont even think about discriminating against him. Yet Sam is facing alot of blowback from people online who are mad at his actions. Funny how your celebrating someone for being the first openly gay athlete to be drafted in a traditonally homophobic sports league, but you chasitze him for ruining a movie you waited 15 years to see. Guess tolerence and understanding doesnt go both ways afterall. Sad.

10. Saturday was a tough day for Yankee fan's as the Lakers, Cowboys, and Duke all lost.

11. Its holiday season and you know what that means- its time to do a charity thing so that we can feel better about all the other bad stuff weve done for the past 11 months. Its very important whenever your donating to charity that you make a really big deal out of it so that others can see how great of a person your being which is really the only reason to ever do anything for anyone besides yourself. This year Ive teamed up with my friends @Trillballins, @FanSince09, @ThatBoysGood, @TomBroDude, @FakeMikeMulloy, @Ironghazi, and @OhHolyButt to make donations to the Heiffer Project. Our goal is to send 69 goats overseas to needy famlies, and so far we've raised about 40% of our target. The link is here to donate- so the money never goes into our hands at all- no funny busness. I donated $69 but any amount is apprecated if thats something that you can afford/would like to do.

69 of the week: MakeSomeNoiz

(Via @tyler_grote)


Reader Family Mailpail: Robert Klemko's Grandma weighs in

My grandma texted me that Derek Carr is "the real deal" and Oakland's search for a QB is complete, but I have trouble entrusting the future of an NFL franchise with somebody who rocks chinstrap facial hair. What are your thoughts on facial hair choices and leadership?

-Robert Klemko

First of all , sup grandma?

To answer your question, I like a QB with a chinstrap because it shows he's always got it buckled, mentally, even when hes not wearing a helmet. A chinstrap beard also tells you hes worn alot of oversized Ecko t shirts, knows how to kick-flip, and has at least one friend named "Travis" who sells whippets which is kind of a red-flag- but you want a guy under center whose going to be able to relate to those elements in society, specially if you have Amari Cooper sitting in the locker next to you.

Now, a mustache can be great of terrble depending on your intentions. For example, if its a genuine serious mustache like a Kyle Orton, thats fine. if its a ironic mustache like Zach Mettenberger grew last year, it tells me your a hipster Vampire Weekend fan which is ironic because your going to suck on Sundays.