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The cars all 32 NFL coaches totally drive

You can tell a lot about an NFL head coach by what kind of car he drives.

On Thursday, the NFL world got its first look at Rex Ryan's pickup truck with a custom Buffalo Bills paint job. It says a lot about the coach who will go to those lengths for his team and the fans. It also left us wondering what kind of cars the other 31 NFL head coaches drive.

It took some research, but with a borrowed LexisNexis password and insatiable curiosity, we found some answers.

AFC East

Bills, Rex Ryan -- Custom Bills pickup, this one. It's the same as his Jets truck; he just had the vinyl wrap updated, just like the tattoo.

Dolphins, Joe Philbin -- A Sebring convertible that keeps him connected with the young folks in the locker room. He still hasn't noticed the "I brake for twerking" bumper sticker Mike Wallace put on the back.

Patriots, Bill Belichick -- Subaru with the clock an hour behind and the side doors torn off to save him the needless step of opening and closing them because it's just something to get to practice and back.

Jets, Todd Bowles -- Doesn't matter. Rex is going to poop in the trunk on the hottest day of the summer.

AFC North

Bengals, Marvin Lewis -- Drives a Honda Civic, the car that will last you 15 years even though you're never proud of it.

Browns, Mike Pettine -- Probably rents a car one month at a time. The Browns head coach isn't in a position where he can bank on being able to make those payments over a long period of time.

Ravens, John Harbaugh -- Baltimore denies that Harbaugh owns a car or that they've ever seen it.

Steelers, Mike Tomlin -- It changes from year to year, and it's constantly getting towed for being parked with one wheel in the reserved parking spot next to him.

AFC South

Colts, Chuck Pagano -- A Land Rover, but it's in the shop because Ryan Grigson keeps trying to force Jaguar parts on him.

Jaguars, Gus Bradley -- 1989 Chevy Blazer, white with one primer gray quarter panel. It's a piece of shit, but you're always mildly surprised with the results.

Texans, Bill O'Brien -- A rusted-out Mazda you swore was impossible to fix but he somehow coaxed another 18,000 miles out of.

Titans, Ken Whisenhunt -- He's that friend who doesn't have a car and always needs a ride and you're willing to help, but dang dude, you gotta get your life together soon.

AFC West

Broncos, Gary Kubiak -- John Elway is leasing him his old CRV. It smells like stale Marlboro Lights, but otherwise it's in great shape.

Chargers, Mike McCoy -- Jeep Wrangler with a backpack and a map of LA in the front seat. Don't think he won't pick up and leave if you don't treat him right, girl.

Chiefs, Andy Reid -- A red Ford Fiesta, possibly a BBQ truck on the weekends. He always hits the brakes three seconds too late in both vehicles.

Raiders, Jack Del Rio -- The same houseboat he's been living in since 2003, and he's fixed most of the axe-holes in it.

NFC East

Cowboys, Jason Garrett -- A Tesla, and he gets shot at every day for driving it in Texas.

Eagles, Chip Kelly -- An advanced hovercraft that runs on water. Please do not disparage the hovercraft when it drives into a telephone pole, as Nick Foles was driving.

Giants, Tom Coughlin -- The same Nash Rambler he bought at his first coaching job.

Washington, Jay Gruden -- PT Cruiser, because Washington is all about purchases that are equal parts flashy and stupid.

NFC North

Bears, John Fox -- He was driving an ice cream truck, but the team has asked him to drive something different to and from practice so Jay Cutler's unvaccinated children don't start showing up during training camp.

Lions, Jim Caldwell -- Whatever Consumer Reports recommends. Might be a sensible station wagon, might be a paper shredder, might be a power drill with good battery life.

Packers, Mike McCarthy -- He drives a Lamborghini ... with the emergency brake on.

Vikings, Mike Zimmer -- A llama. What, you didn't think Mike Zimmer kept up with what's buzzing on the Internet?

NFC South

Buccaneers, Lovie Smith -- The same kind of Lincoln Continental your grandmother drives. It's safe, lasts way longer than any American-made car should and he can take up the entire left lane with it ... never mind the speedy young people constantly passing him on the right.

Falcons, Dan Quinn -- A Chevy Silverado, the official truck of the NFL and bald dudes with goatees who are serious weightlifters.

Panthers, Ron Rivera -- It's a blue Ford Taurus that he's given a James Bond nickname.

Saints, Sean Payton -- The sponsors gave him a Mercedes to drive around. It's perfect because it stays in the shop for a year at a time.

NFC West

49ers, Jim Tomsula -- The bicycle from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Jed York promised to grease the chain just as soon as the team gets its first win.

Cardinals, Bruce Arians -- A Fiat Abarth, which is out of his price range and under-delivers.

Rams, Jeff Fisher -- Dodge Ram 3500, red with white racing stripes, a thing to hold his Oakleys and California plates. It's a terrible truck, but if you constantly repair it, it works about half of the time.

Seahawks, Pete Carroll -- A Tercel, but only in reverse down a one-way street because the "easiest way to drive isn't necessarily the best."