clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Is Pete Carroll a hair thief?

This is how the Seahawks coach stays so vibrant.

Trevor Ruszkowski-USA TODAY Sports

The other day, an interesting observation was made on Twitter.

(Technically, these are only four of the last five defensive coordinators Carroll has employed. We'll get to that in a second.)

You might look at this compilation of photographs and chuckle. "What an odd coincidence!" you remark to nobody in particular, pretending to work on that Excel spreadsheet for the interteam meeting next Tuesday. In five minutes, you've moved on to some new Internet goof, completely forgetting Pete Carroll's FantasBIC Four.

But shouldn't you be asking if there's more to this? It's far too convenient that all of these men who've worked for Carroll just happen to be bald -- especially when you consider what they looked like before he hired them. Let's start with his current coordinator, Kris Richard. This is what Richard looked like when he first started working for Pete Carroll as a graduate assistant:

Maybe some slight hairline retreat, but otherwise a perfectly solid and intact head of hair. Now look at him in the tweet again. It's barely the same person! And this pattern really gets concerning when you look at the other former defensive coordinators.

Dan Quinn (Seattle/Florida)

Gus Bradley (Seattle/Tampa Bay)

Nick Holt (USC/Idaho)

So many strands of hair, disappeared without a question or raised eyebrow from the media. And these men aren't all that old! Quinn's 44, Bradley's 48, Holt's 52, and Kris Richard is 35. Meanwhile, Pete Carroll is at least a decade older than all of them, and how does his hair look?

FREAKING MAJESTIC. That's not the hair of a man eligible to start collecting Social Security. That's the hair of a man who's been doing the unthinkable: hiring coaches and then harvesting their younger, healthier hair follicles to maintain his appearance. It's a shocking mix of vanity and depravity, and it's gone ignored for far too long.

Oh, and what of the one defensive coordinator who worked for Carroll not mentioned in that tweet, Rocky Seto? He only held the position for the 2009 season at USC. What was his hair's fate?

At least you got out before he could take it all, man.