Hey, so, you guys heard about this Game of Thrones show? Started off as a compelling medieval-ish story of politics and war and magic and breasts, but devolved into a rushed slog about sexy dummies making bad decisions?
Well, Aaron Rodgers — noted insurance pitchman, occasional Hail Mary thrower, and diehard GoT fan — said he would make an appearance on HBO’s cash cow, becoming the latest outsider to cameo in the realm of the Seven Kingdoms.
Would he be an instantly recognizable troubadour that causes the internet to lose its mind (not in a good way) like
famous Muppet Elmo Ed Sheeran? Would he search for his cameo afterward and still not know if it’s him, like Joey Bosa? Would he don some additional facial hair and armor and get killed off anonymously like Martin Starr and Rob McElhenney? Would he kill a dragon, which is apparently pretty easy to do at this point?
As it turns out, Rodgers — who appeared in the series’ penultimate episode — took more of a Bosa approach:
But there was plenty of potential for Rodgers to shine on a series that revolves around kings in the north and familial drama.
We had other some ideas for how the show could’ve used him.
Rodgers shows up as a merchant peddling dragon insurance
Daenerys got real careless with her character-defining sidekicks last episode, somehow completely blanking an entire fleet of ships and allowing villain ex machina Euron Greyjoy to murder Rhaegal with the Lannister’s secret weapon (a crossbow, but really big). She’s now down to a lone dragon (Drogon), whose value is higher than ever. And what do you do with valuable, nigh-irreplaceable items?
You insure them.
No one knows this better than Rodgers who, if State Farm is to be believed, has had everything he’s ever cherished destroyed by Clay Matthews at some point. He could perform an act of brand-building so obscene it would paralyze Darren Rovell by introducing Dany to his Iron Bank insurance agent who, for the cost of a few gold dragons per day, would ensure she gets cash when Drogon comes to his inevitably stupid demise. Then, Rodgers could turn directly to the camera, give Westeros his signature Discount Double-Check move (TM), and begin his trek north to live with Bran, Tormund, Ghost, and all the other characters this show couldn’t be bothered to give a proper farewell.
Rodgers, in full armor, stands in the background as Tyrion stands over the fallen corpses of Cersei and Jaime
As the Imp surveys his vanquished family, the camera slowly pans to Rodgers, who smiles and nods. — Christian D’Andrea
Rodgers settles into the Iron Throne as the closing credits of the final episode begin their scroll. BUT THEN ...
Bran? Sansa? Tyrion? Cersei? Pshew, in the series finale, the Game of Thrones showrunners throw their readers into a tizzy when who but Aaron Rodgers appears at the end to claim the Iron Throne:
Tiger Wins.— Aaron Rodgers (@AaronRodgers12) April 14, 2019
@Bucks playoff opener.
GOT Final Season begins. #dreamsunday # pic.twitter.com/VULjQOFEZf
No one would see it coming. It would be memorable and infuriating and completely confusing, like an entire six-season hospital drama that had jokes about someone named “Constance Lingus” and dealt with AIDS crisis taking place inside the mind of a young autistic child named Tommy Westphall.
The credits start to roll, fans start rioting, Twitter is so heated with #takes that it refuses to load — AND THEN ARYA STARK SHOWS UP OUTTA NOWHERE TO DECAPITATE HIM.
She tosses his body off the throne and takes her rightful place on it. THE END. — Sarah Hardy
Rodgers shows up in full uniform, says he’s from the future, and then throws a literal bomb into the Red Keep that blows up Cersei. He leaves without any explanation
Considering the direction and quality of season eight, this happening might not even be that weird.
Imagine Aaron Rodgers is a descendant of Bran Stark. In the future, wargs have expanded past their abilities of just being able to see the past — now they can jump back in time and interact with people while changing historical events.
The future that Rodgers inhabits is run down by generations of Lannisters hoarding wealth and refusing to distribute among their constituents. Now that he’s figured out time-traveling, he has one mission: end the Lannister’s generational reign of terror before it can begin.
While Cersei is hanging out in the Red Keep, Rodgers time travels back to Kings Landing with a bomb in hand. He perfectly throws the bomb through an open window that Cersei is sitting next. Right before the bomb explodes, the bomb displays a hologram of Rodgers doing his famed “Discount Double Check” gesture.
The bomb then explodes, killing Cersei and securing a safe future for the rest of the world.
— Charles McDonald
Rodgers waits in a green tent while the final battle for the Iron Throne is waged
There’s no spoken dialogue in these shots, which we keep coming back to even though they feel kind of intrusive and uncomfortable. He sits with a forced smile on his face, while outside the tent the show’s primary claimants to the throne clash and, one by one, fall. (For some reason, even former Arkansas quarterback Matt Jones has a chance to take power over the Seven Kingdoms, despite never having played king in college or high school.)
After, I dunno, 23 different characters have died trying to take the throne, Rodgers finally rises from his seat in the green tent. He strides confidently towards the Great Hall, ready to claim his destiny and punish those who doubted his worthiness to lead.
But then Brett Favre’s sitting on the Iron Throne wearing those pseudomedical copper bracelets. — Ryan Nanni
Rodgers makes everything as cheesy as humanly possible
Let’s be real here: When Ed Sheeran joined the cast for a cameo it was the dumbest, weirdest, most-bizarre non sequitur in the show’s history. I want this to be so, so, so much worse than that.
[EXT. KING’S LANDING] DAENERYS RIDES DROGON TOWARD THE CASTLE.
CAPTAIN: The ballistas have failed my queen. The castle is lost.
CERSEI: No! No! No! Find a solution or it’ll be your head!
[MOUNTAIN LOOKS MENACINGLY]
SGT. RODGERS: I’ve got this, my queen.
[SGT. RODGERS PICKS A FLASK OF DRAGONFIRE AND THROWS A PERFECT SPIRAL AT DROGON. IT FALLS TO THE GROUND DEAD, HE WINKS AT CAMERA]
SGT. RODGERS: I’ve still got it.
That’s it. That’s the scene. I want him to play football-ass-football in Game of Thrones for no conceivable reason because I like ridiculousness.
— James Dator
Rodgers shows up as an assassin
If you’re a Lions fan (or Bears, or Vikings or …), you’re well aware Rodgers can throw daggers into the heart of a defense and destroy them.
So what if he throws a literal dagger into a literal heart? I mean, why not? We’ve got a couple of solid choices to be murdered here with the obvious two being Daenerys Targaryen and Cersei Lannister. But those would be boring. No, we need something that will be shocking, and maybe even story relevant.
So how about Arya Stark? I mean, she did piss off a few folks back at the Faceless Men’s House of Black and White, in the Free City of Braavos. Not to mention she probably is not in favor with the Many-Faced God/Red God, and we’ve now seen just how gods in GoT can have a direct effect on the world and individuals.
So, Rodgers, who is probably actually Jaqen H’ghar, shows up just as she is about to plunge her own weapon into Cersei’s throat. He kills her with a quick flick of a wrist and — TOUCHDOWN!
“A minute, an hour, a month. Death is certain. The time is not.” — Sam Eggleston
Rodgers and Ghost live happily ever after
You’ve probably seen the commercial of Rodgers having a great time with his dog and his truck while “Believe It or Not” plays in the background. They stick their head out the window, play catch on the beach, do incredibly dangerous jumps over sand dunes. It looks like a grand ol’ time.
It looks like the kind of life Jon Snow’s trusty dire wolf Ghost deserves to live.
Ghost spent a significant part of his life dealing with zombies and even lost a huge chunk of his right ear in a final battle against the Night King’s army. What did he get for his loyalty and trouble? About five seconds of eye contact from Jon. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET A PAT.
He deserves way better and a State Farm commercial has me convinced Rodgers can be the one to give Ghost the post-zombie retirement he’s earned. — Adam Stites