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I’m pretty sure I designed the Rams’ new bone uniforms in Madden NFL 2004

These are not great!

Somewhere on the hard drive of my long-forgotten Xbox with my Madden NFL 2004 saves exists this jersey — I’m sure of it.

I’m speaking specifically here about the alternate jersey Jalen Ramsey (No. 20) is wearing here, which has been characterized by the team itself as “bone on bone.”

Generally I’m pro-bone. It’s a good color. Sure, people might look at it like clean white’s dirty cousin, but bone is a more sophisticated color you can imagine on the walls of a person’s house who knows what material all their furniture is made of, and refers to it as such. You know the people, the “this is my mahogany end table” or “it’s next to the teak china hutch” folks. They definitely say “I’d like the curtains in bone,” unironically.

The issue here isn’t bone. As established: Bone is good. It’s everything surrounding the bone I hate. The yellow looks like highlighter used to stain a rhino’s horn to make it less desirable on the black market. The blue is just way too blue and cheapens the whole look.

In short: Teenage James definitely would have made this jersey in an old Madden game and think it was the height of sophistication. Actually, I’m pretty sure I did. I know tradition dictates the use of blue and yellow on a Rams jersey, but imagine how amazing this would look if bone was the accent color, rather than yellow? A blue helmet with bone horns, a bone stripe. It’s the perfect fit for a team representing an animal that literally had two giant head bones protruding from its skull.

I’ve said the word bone 18 times in this story. Just thought I’d let you know.

But if for some reason you’d like to purchase one of those, here you go.