Titans team president Steve Underwood announced on Friday he would be retiring from the team. That’s news if you’re a die-hard Titans fan, but to the rest of us we just couldn’t stop staring at his facial hair.
Titans team president Steve Underwood retiring https://t.co/YRxqkuVe87
— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) May 8, 2020
It’s like his chin saw his upper lip and said “why do you get to have all the fun?” It’s as if his mustache decided to grow a mustache during a mid-life crisis. Crop out his face, showing just his facial hair and you’d be forgiven for thinking this was a teaser for Frozen III, which is all about yetis.
I make it a firm point never to make fun of someone’s appearance if it isn’t something they can help. That’s just cruel. Facial hair is a choice though, and this double-stache is a CHOICE with a capital “C.”
Credit where’s it’s due to Underwood, how somehow managed to have the weirdest mask-friendly facial hair of the pandemic, but I can’t stop thinking about all the things he looks like.
Perhaps he’s The Lorax?
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Maybe Underwood is a Chocobo from Final Fantasy?
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But as a leader, someone used to training people for battle, my money is actually on Master Roshi.
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Whatever Steve Underwood is, it’s glorious, and I’m ashamed it took us until his retirement to appreciate his stunningly beautiful facial hair.