There’s still time to do holiday shopping, but if you’re the last-second type who leaves everything down to the wire — and also likes to give the worst gifts imaginable, NFL Shop has you covered.
The NFL will license almost anything imaginable to anyone who will pony up the cash. It leads to some absolutely horrific finds in the bowels of the clearance section and beyond. So, if you want to ruin the holidays here are our picks for the best gifts you can give someone who will open the box with sheer, unadulterated disappointment.
The most astonishing part of this is that almost every team is sold out right now. Only four exist currently, the Browns, Panthers, Jaguars and Patriots. That means there are 28 fanbases who saw these for $14.99 and said “I have to complete my car with logo valve stem covers.” Maybe the NFL is right that people will buy anything with team branding.
The marvelous thing about NFL Shop is that there’s absolutely no circumstance where something is thrown out. For example, somewhere in America there are cases of old beverage napkins from the Super Bowl in 2019. They’re kind of faded, ugly, and on special for 99 cents!
I’ve grown to appreciate socks as a holiday gift, but no kid likes socks as a gift. Furthermore, no child who supports the Colts would want socks with Carson Wentz on them. I can’t believe they’re still trying to sell these for $8.99. I get wanting to recoup costs, but at some point you’ve gotta just take the L.
Sometimes team abbreviations are just too perfect. If I rode a motorcycle I’d definitely get a sticker that said “CAR” on it to adorn my back fender.
Gurley hasn’t played for the Rams since 2019. He’s been out of the league since 2020. I’m sure there are some huge Todd Gurley fans out there, but not enough to save this Lego ripoff from hitting the clearance section. No child wants this. If they wanted a big, blocky Todd Gurley they’d just build him in Minecraft.
I think tie dye is the perfect medium to honor Baker Mayfield. It’s sloppy, messy, never looks good, and is more trouble than it’s worth.
If this is where you land when a loved one tells you they’d like jewelry for Christmas, stop. Just stop. Reassess your life choices and never attempt to purchase these for anyone.
There are an astonishing number of Star Wars crossover car stickers around the league, but easily the funniest is Yoda being a Falcons fan. Not only is he clearly accompanied by Sith colors, but it’s just such a weird choice. Actually, this kinda goes hard for all the wrong reasons... maybe this one is okay.
This isn’t just a bad gift, it’s a gift you give to someone you actively hate. There is absolutely no reason this product should exist for sale at all, and it’s unquestionably the worst thing on NFL Shop by a mile.
With the move to a 17 game regular season the chart is pointless now. It comes with a bunch of player labels, including a lot of guys who are out of the league. Many of the players who still are in the NFL have changed teams, and this all makes for the worst package imaginable.
I cannot fathom anyone who would ever thing about buying this, even for their most hated enemy. This item is cursed.