At this point we all know the top prospects in the 2022 NFL Draft. The future All-Pros we can imagine leading our team to victory. For those of us with more unconventional desires it’s high time we turned our attention to the best names of the class.
Let me be clear: I unironically love these names. As someone with a fairly boring name that was butchered at Ellis Island when by great-grandfather emigrated, I could only wish to be called “Ty Fryfogle” or “Raleigh Texada.” Those are the names of heroes in ‘80s actions movies, and that’s before we get to Charleston Rambo, who was narrowly edged out at WR this year.
Here is my list for the all-name team of 2022, and after that we need to discuss the NROY (Name Rookie of the Year).
QB: Brock Purdy, Iowa State
RB: John Lovett, Penn State
FB: Monte Pottebaum, Iowa
WR1: Ty Fryfogle, Indiana
WR2: Shocky Jacques-Louis, Pitt
TE: Cole Fotheringham, Utah
OT: Nicholas Petit-Frere, Ohio State
OG: Sage Doxtater, New Mexico State
C: Zach Tom, Wake Forest
OG: Andrew Vorhees, USC
OT: Dare Rosenthal, Kentucky
DE: Big Kat Bryant, UCF
DT: Ralf Rusins, Liberty
DT: Ben Stille, Nebraska
DE: Amare Barno, Virginia Tech
LB: Colin Schooler, Texas Tech
MLB: Chad Muma, Wyoming
LB: Darrian Beavers, Cincinnati
CB1: Raleigh Texada, Baylor
CB2: Russ Yeast, Kansas State
SS: Bubba Bolden, Miami
FS: Smoke Monday, Auburn
K: Cameron Dicker, Texas
P: Ryan Stonehouse, Colorado State
Presenting the 2022 NFL Name Rookie of the Year:
This isn’t just the best name of the 2022 NFL Draft class, it’s one of the best football names of all time. There are so many great ways you can use Smoke Monday in a sentence that it really makes it sing. Hell, I can imagine Kendall Roy from Succession shadow boxing in his Manhattan penthouse while telling himself to “Smoke Monday” before a big board meeting.
I can envision it being a call to relax as well: “Put in the work Sunday, smoke Monday.”
Even if you use the first name and tell opponents “you don’t want the smoke” it all still works. This name it utter perfection and I hope whoever drafts Smoke Monday will embrace his name brilliance and cherish it for the joy that it is.