We are now living in a world where Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce could actually be an item. It’s the celebrity couple the sports world was missing, and it’s sure to end badly.
I don’t mean to be glib, because I love love — but there’s a track record here for both people and it’s not great. Taylor has a tendency to be unlucky in love, and so does Travis. I mean, you don’t get a dating show named after you when you’re having success finding someone on your own.
We know that Swift has a propensity to write songs about her breakups, and far be it from me to assume I can challenge the songwriting genius of Tay-Tay, but I do know some things about Travis Kelce and sports that could be helpful in penning her eventual breakup song about Kelce.
One defining characteristic of Taylor’s music is the pre-chorus. That moment right before she belts it out where she drops the witty little verse before belting out her feelings. Case in point All Too Well, when she says:
And I know it’s long gone and
That magic’s not here no more
And I might be okay, but I’m not fine at all
Oh, oh, oh
So, I’ve come up with some nice little pre-verses about Travis Kelce. If you’re somehow reading this, consider these all free, Taylor. Just give me a shout out in the album liner.
They thought you were a tight end
But you were my best friend
Thought it was the real thing
Turned out it was just pretend
You caught passes, while I caught strays
Wanted a different kind of ring, so you threw it all away
They said I should have known ...
That our house is not Mahomes
Just a girl from Tennessee
A boy in Kansas City
It was our love story
But you touched the football more than me
Late nights. Drunk texts.
Telling me. About your ex.
The things you said you’d do made me blush.
Do you kiss Mama Kelce with that mouth?
Sitting in the end zone. You put me in the friend zone
Left me for all to see. Forced to take selfies with Brittany.
You didn’t care. Used me for the air.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair.
You had the perfect play to win the game.
The perfect play to win my heart.
I thought we were a touchdown,
but the whistle blew and you tore it all apart.
I was going to say ‘no offense’
But all you play is offense
Hit me with that pretense
Too bad you celebrated early
It’s all gone
Tell this relationship so long
You cared too much about Arrowhead
Too little about our own hearts