We’ve long suspected that Connor McDavid is not be from this planet given what he can do on the ice, but Edmonton Oilers teammate Leon Draisaitl might have let the cat (or extraterrestial) out of the bag after the team’s victory Monday night.
Draisaitl on McDavid: "It seems like he's from another planet, it's not fair." pic.twitter.com/6PG84GjrKu— Robert Söderlind (@HockeyWebCast) February 6, 2018
“It seems like he’s from another planet, it’s not fair.”
The suggestion came in response to McDavid’s latest, greatest display of absurdity on the ice: a four-goal game against the league-leading Lightning highlighted by a full speed snipe squeezed in a tight window behind the goaltender and under the crossbar that seemed to be sealed off. It was, as Draisaitl said, not fair.
When @cmcdavid97's going, it's a beautiful thing. pic.twitter.com/J2Tm9IIgcK— NHL (@NHL) February 6, 2018
Except that’s the thing: McDavid apparently isn’t of this world. He might have the appearance of a 21-year-old guy from Ontario, but no human being could possibly be that good at hockey while looking so uncomfortable trying to take a picture. He’s clearly an alien who has mastered the craft of ice skating but remains befuddled by the social morays of us bizarre creatures.
But if McDavid isn’t from our beloved planet Earth, then where is he from? Let’s begin our very important SB Nation investigation (also known as an SB InvestiNation).
Just imagine it: The year is 2042, and the first human mission to Mars has finally happened. The astronauts touch down amid the swirling brick-red sands and get ready to leave their mark in an unknown world. But then in the distance, through the reddish clouds, the colors of orange and blue begin to pop out. It’s an Oilers flag. Then another one. And another one.
Mankind has finally discovered the McMartians, who are having a parade to celebrate their new guests. Unfortunately they’re still waiting to have a parade to celebrate Edmonton winning a Stanley Cup.
OK, just imagine it: The last story, but replace Mars with Venus.
Proxima Centauri b
Proxima Centauri b, an exoplanet orbiting the closest star to our Sun, may or may not be habitable, but you’re telling me that’d stop McDavid? Who cares about solar wind pressures and radiation that’s as much as 10,000 times more powerful than what’s seen on Earth?
I mean, did you see that goal last night?
Honestly I’m just impressed that Dick Wolf managed to start producing planets in addition to TV shows.
Hoth is an ice planet, and McDavid needed to learn how to skate like that somewhere, right? Don’t come at me with that “Oh, that planet isn’t real, you’re mixing up Star Wars and real life again, nerd.” Connor McDavid’s blood is absolutely loaded with midichlorians and I won’t have it any other way.