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Please welcome ... Joe Ali!

An interview with the newest member of Secret Base

We here at Secret Base are very excited to announce a new addition to the team: video producer/editor Joe Ali!!!! (air horn, air horn, air horn; confetti falls from sky; skateboarding dog with sunglasses rolls by)

Joe previously worked at SB Nation, but that was before my time. By way of introduction, I conducted a brief interview with Joe. Get to know him, along with me!

Clara: Hello Joe, first things first, how are you today?

Joe: I’m doing well. I recently heard someone say that they were doing “Covid well,” and I liked that response a lot. Not Covid well as in the person was Covid positive or anything, but like doing well despite all the bullshit that Covid has sadly brought with it.

Clara: I like that and may have to start using it myself. Can’t use it right after you though, so I’ll just say ... I’m fine. Alright, let’s get down to business: Who are your sports teams?

Joe: It’s funny that you ask that, because I’ve recently come to the realization that I don’t really root for teams, but more so comedic acts. My comedic acts involve all things Atlanta related. So the Braves, Hawks, Falcons and you can throw in UGA as well.

Clara: Was your loyalty to those comedy acts ever tested and how did you fare?

Joe: lol. I don’t think we have enough time to go through all of that, plus I don’t wanna subject you to my rage, but just know for whatever reason I keep coming back for more pain year after year.

Clara: Thank you for sharing, I know it can be tough to talk about. But this isn’t some fluff piece, this is a hard hitting get-to-know-you interview. Now, let’s get some questions about you personally, outside of sports and fandom: You can only eat one food for the rest of your life. What’s it gonna be?

Joe: Tacos, easy. There’s just so much variety. Al Pastor, Steak, Chicken, Fish. I had a fried avocado taco a few weeks back that absolutely slapped. Which I didn’t even know it was possible to fry an avocado. But anyways yeah. Tacos for sure

Clara: A genie grants you one wish. Do you ask the genie why he’s only giving you one, when it’s customary to grant three, or do you just let it go and be grateful for your one wish?

Joe: I consider myself an inquisitive person so I would def ask them what’s up with the other two wishes, but I wouldn’t press them too hard on it ya know? You can never get too greedy when genies pop up.

Clara: Smart. What would you wish for?

Joe: I would wish for the ability to actually not care when I say I don’t care about things. I’ll give you a quick example. Just this past weekend a certain football team idiotically blew a late point lead which involved said team just staring at a live ball go ten yards during an onside kick. While I watched it I said to myself, “Ah fuck this I don’t even care.” But in reality Clara, I do care. I care a little too much. So yeah, I just want the genie to make it stop.

Clara: I’m so sorry. This was a hypothetical and I can’t help you. I’m just gonna move on the the next q … You receive a compliment at work. One long dab, or several short dabs in succession?

Joe: It honestly depends on how the mood strikes. Some compliments call for a long, drawn-out dab with a strong finish and tight extension. Others call for short several dabs in succession. Either way no dab is ever the same.

Clara: How do you feel about nectarines?

Joe: I’m not even gonna lie, I had to google exactly what nectarines are cause I usually always get them confused with cuties, clementines, mandarins and all those other types of oranges that are probably all the same and I still don’t know the difference tbh. And turns out nectarines are a type of peach? Peaches are cool, so I guess I get down with nectarines.

Clara: Love the positive attitude, but be careful, nectarines are fickle. What shows are you watching these days?

Joe: I don’t wanna seem like I’m jumping on the bandwagon here cause I know i’m late, but I finished Watchmen a month ago and I couldn’t stop talking about it to everyone who had already seen it months ago. Simply just a phenomenal show. Other than that I’ve been bingeing Love Island. It’s just something about relationship drama layered with thick British accents that I can’t turn away from.

Clara: Are you the kind of guy who uses his email for a user name, or do you like to come up with something clever?

Joe: Oh I always try to come with something clever if possible. If we’re talking socials you gotta come with something special. (@mr.kangaroopockets on Instagram and Jack played me with the character limit so @mrkangaroopkts on twitter) But if I’m just logging in to pay my electricity bill or something I just go with my email as a user name. Can’t give all the sauce to Con Edison.

Clara: What about for a password, do you do, like, your pet’s name or your birthday or..?

Joe: I typically just go with my birthdate followed by my social security number and throw in a special character somewhere like a $ for some flair.

Clara: You’ve worked at SB Nation in the past, best memory from those times?

Joe: As corny as it sounds, just being in the office with the squad. I can’t even count how many times someone randomly popped up from their desk to say a joke, and next thing you know that dumbass joke sparked an idea which eventually led to a great video. But mostly just the dumbass jokes.

Clara: SB Nation used to celebrate things like a new hire with pizza. Since we’re all working from home and can’t share a pizza, what would you suggest we do instead?

Joe: Well I mean pizzas still cool. There’s a lot of dope places that deliver near me actually. I can just slide you my address after the interview and we can figure something out.

Clara: I’m afraid that’s all the time we have!

Well there you have it folks, the newest addition to Secret Base Producer/Editor Joe Ali!

While my primary motive for this interview, getting an Amazon Prime username and password was unsuccessful, and instead I ended up buying Joe $50 worth of pizza, I think the secondary motive for this interview, getting to know Joe, was a huge success and kinda makes it all worth it.