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Vincent Tan wants Cardiff to sign players with number eight in birth date

Eden Hazard is bad at football. Proof: he doesn't have an eight in his birth date.

Keys to success in football:

1. Be good at football

2. Have a sufficient amount of hair gel

3. Have the number eight in your birth date

Vincent Tan has reportedly instructed the Cardiff City board to look for players to sign that have the number eight in their birth date because it is a respected number among Malaysian Chinese and as we all know, birth dates are equally important to pace, skill and intelligence.


Tan's recent instructions could be a boon for Bruno Ceteno, who was born on 8/8/88 and figures to be the subject of a £8,888,88 transfer now, a deal that will come with £888,888 in weekly wages. If the board cannot make it happen, Tan will stand in the corner of the boardroom and loudly boo everyone.

He will presumably do so with his jersey over his dress shirt and tucked into his pants, as per usual.