Columbus Crew vs. New York Red Bulls: Final score 0-1, Cahill wins it for NYRB

I was pretty bored watching the match between Columbus Crew and the New York Red Bulls. It started 0-0 and finished 0-1 without much happening save a good penalty save by Luis Robles and an 80th-minute headed goal by Tim Cahill, so I decided to write some short poems regarding everyone's favourite Australian.

Can he defend?
Dominic Oduro fakes a shot
An Australian waves arms frantically in reply
Oduro scampers away
Now he is behind the defence.

Does he high-five referees?
Yes, at least one
I don't know why he would do that
He had fouled Danny O'Rourke
Tim Cahill is weird.

Can he shoot?
Eric Alexander crosses from the right
Jonny Steele steps over
So much time and space
Direct hit, row Z
Tim Cahill cannot shoot.

Does he track back?
Seems to avoid it
This is what you get
When you put Cahill in midfield these days.

Can he score?
Gets around Andy Gruenebaum
So he really should
But then he doesn't.

Can he score part II?
Ball in back of the net
Because he fouled the goalkeeper
And so it doesn't count.

Is he a starfighter pilot?
TIE fighter pilots wear masks
So it's hard to recognise them
It really could be anyone
Tim Cahill's in space
Maybe.

Can he score part III?
Yes!
Tim Cahill scores with a header!
Hurray Tim Cahill!

Does he help win games?
Well, he certainly did today
Three points for Tim Cahill!