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Mix Diskerud had a cat problem, but he solved it

We have no idea how the United States midfielder managed to overcome his cat allergy to evict a cat squatter, but that won't stop us from imagining ways.

Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Spor

Did you know Mix Diskerud was allergic to cats? Of course you didn't. But he revealed that information to the world today when he jumped on Twitter to ask for help dealing with a cat that had mysteriously found its way into his normally cat-free temple.

We have no idea if he figured out who had nefariously left a cat in his house -- it's our guess that it must be someone who supports a rival CONCACAF nation -- but we were extremely relieved to learn that Mix had survived the ordeal and managed to safely rid himself of the feline invader.

This begs the obvious question, how did Diskerud manage to accomplish this task without breaking into a fit of allergic epilepsy? We hazard some guesses:

  • Explained that Felipe Baloy was on his way over and that the cat "could do it the easy way or the hard way"
  • Borrowed a hazmat suit and a respirator from Breaking Bad's Heisenburg and simply carried the cat away
  • Turned on a can opener until the cat could no longer stand the sound of its hopes being crushed
  • Told the cat that Stu Holden would never come over as long as he suspected a cat was in the house
  • Took out his rental contract, read aloud the portion pertaining to pet ownership and calmly reasoned with the cat
  • Broke out the cat costume he wore two Halloweens ago and lured the cat outside
  • Invited over the local T-shirt cannon shooter and had him wildly fire in the air
  • Built a trebuchet and launched the cat through the window after luring it into the trap with mincemeat left over from last night's pie
  • Invited Mario Ballotelli over, whose piglet helped usher the cat outside like Babe would have done in that movie I can't remember the name of
  • Flipped on a "Real Housewives: Orange County" marathon and shamed the cat into leaving
  • Told him Luis Suarez was on his way over and that he was feeling "hungry"
  • Fired up the Nickelback Pandora station he'd been saving for a "special occassion" and let the magic happen
  • Used a broom to shoo the cat out the door