Fernando Torres hasn't had a good year. Or, to be honest, hasn't had a good four years. Ever since Chelsea picked him up via helicopter on that fateful January day in 2011, the former boy wonder has been failing to live up to his £50 million price tag.
While at Chelsea, Nando did ... well, very little. Unless you count picking up two yellow cards in important matches, like when his team was losing against Manchester United. By the start of 2014-15, Torres had just 20 league goals through three-and-a-half seasons with the Blues.
Yet somehow they convinced AC Milan to take him, even though they probably didn't need a ton of convincing. The club is now where once-talented players go to make their once-diehard fans cringe. The rossoneri welcomed Torres into a two-year loan, stretching out their arms in pure delight.
But after one single solitary goal in 10 Serie A appearances -- and not even a decisive goal, at that -- even Milan grew tired of Torres. They figured Alessio Cerci, who'd been having his own tough time of it in Spain, would suit their third-place ambitions better than the Spaniard. So Milan actually bought Torres from Chelsea, then turned around and sent him on loan to Atlético Madrid. Making his move permanent was, hilariously, the only way to get rid of him.
Yet no one stopped to consider Torres' feelings in all of this. Sure, he may have wanted to return to his beloved Atléti, but he certainly didn't want the derision, the scorn and the celebratory parties that accompanied his leaving not one, but two clubs. So Torres decided to get revenge. Torres decided to use the final days of his winter break to pay a visit to the Caribbean, or more specifically, a voodoo practitioner in Haiti.
Now, this can't be confirmed of course, but there's no other explanation. After Chelsea sold Torres to Milan, the Blues traveled to White Hart lane -- but rather than easily beating their London rivals, Tottenham instead hammered Chelsea 5-3. 5-3! When was the last time a José Mourinho side gave up even three goals? Only Fernando Torres could manipulate them in this way.
Then came Milan's first game of 2015, hosting the minnows of Sassuolo. The rossoneri had finished 2014 on a high note, beating Napoli and drawing Roma. A win would've sent them scurrying up to fourth in the table.
Indeed, Andrea Poli scored in the 9th minute, putting the hosts ahead. But Nicola Sansone ensured that Sassuolo went into the break on level terms. Then, in the 67th minute, Simone Zaza took advantage of the ever-creakier Milan defense to score the winner for the neroverdi.
Milan haven't started off the calendar year with a loss in 17 years. But they let Torres go off to Atléti, and suddenly they've lost a game they really should've won. A voodoo curse is about the only explanation for these two sides having a poor start to 2015.
But questions remain. How much of a curse did Torres put on the clubs that made him look so foolish? Will they not win again in 2015? Or did he just want them to suffer an ignominious start? And if the latter, is it because he wanted some of the spell to involve making himself good again? Are we going to see 20 goals in 20 games for Torres at Atlético Madrid, propelling them up to another title? I guess we'll find out in Nando's first start, against Real Madrid.