A couple of days ago, David Luiz revealed that he'd been re-baptized and that he planned to abstain from sex with his current partner until they were married. Fans and media took this to mean that David Luiz has never had sex for religious reasons, but he made a point of letting everyone know that he's totally a registered sex-haver. This has been another edition of people needing to know way too much about footballers' sex lives.
In the news
Jose Mourinho has won Premier League manager of the year. (Chelsea FC)
Brendan Rodgers thinks Raheem Sterling will stay at Liverpool. (BBC)
Arsene Wenger insists Sterling's agent wouldn't scare him off trying to sign Sterling. (Guardian)
David Beckham's Miami MLS project is looking into sharing a stadium with THE U. (Miami Herald)
Emmanuel Adebayor has been sent on compassionate leave for family troubles. (Telegraph)
Pep Guardiola says Bastian Schweinsteiger has to make his own decision about staying or leaving. (ESPN FC)
The Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers will meet in the U.S. Open Cup again. (MLS)
Xavi was offered a contract extension by Barcelona, but turned it down. (AS)
Max Allegri apparently thinks the Ballon d'Or is a lifetime achievement award. (Football Italia)
You should be reading
Mike Goodman on Tottenham Hotspur, and if they're progressing under Mauricio Pochettino. (Grantland)
Nando Villa on how Xavi kept faith in his ideas about what kind of player he was. (Soccer Gods)
Robert O'Connor on how the 2018 World Cup is affecting FC Ural. (In Bed With Maradona)
Fun with transfer rumors
The section in which nothing should be taken seriously. It's rumor season, so this section will be expanded, and as the summer rolls on, will probably be bigger than the actual news section.
Ilkay Gundogan's girlfriend took a picture of a sign that said Manchester in an airport so everyone's freaking out. (Mirror)
If Sinisa Mihajlovic goes to Napoli, he might take his best Sampdoria players with him. (Football Italia)
Barcelona want to sign Aaron Ramsey. (S*n)
Juventus might spend some of the Paul Pogba money on Erik Lamela. (Mail)
Dani Alves looks unlikely to re-sign with Barcelona. (Sport)
Manchester United's Jonny Evans might leave for a lower-tier Premier League club. (Manchester Evening News)
Check out Copa Libertadores highlights here. (FootballManiaChannel)
What to watch this weekend (click for listings, all times ET)
Dortmund vs. Werder Bremen (Saturday, 9:30 a.m.) - Jürgen Klopp's last game, and BVB could make Europa League if they win and Augsburg lose.
Juventus vs. Napoli (Saturday, 12 p.m.) - Napoli need an upset win to stay in the Champions League race.
Barcelona vs. Deportivo La Coruña (Saturday, 12:30 p.m.) - A sendoff for Xavi.
Hull City vs. Manchester United (Sunday, 10 am.) - Hull need a win to have a chance to avoid relegation.
Newcastle vs. West Ham (Sunday, 10 a.m.) - A win or draw will keep Newcastle in the league.
Chivas vs. Santos (Sunday, 8 p.m.) - In a year Chivas were seriously fighting the drop, they might win a title.
Queretaro vs. Pachuca (Sunday, 10 p.m.) - Hope for a glimpse of Ronaldinho that you probably won't get.