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If you wanted to watch the best of the best go at it in Champions League this week, sorry! The injury bug has bitten hard. You'll still get to see Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, don't worry, but most of the biggest teams learned this weekend that they'll be without big stars for Tuesday and Wednesday's games.
Sergio Aguero is out against Juventus, while David Silva and Raheem Sterling are nursing minor injuries, too. Claudio Marchisio will miss that game for Juventus, and a month after that. Wayne Rooney is out for Manchester United. Thomas Vermaelen is injured again for Barcelona, and their preseason schedule is getting blamed.
All of this happened in the wake of an international break, so again, ban friendlies and consolidate qualifying, please.
Messi vs. Ronaldo
We're scoring every week, and this week, Ronaldo is better than Messi.
Goal of the weekend
Christian Benteke's overhead kick, even if it came in a losing effort.
In the news
U.S. attorney general Loretta Lynch says the DOJ isn't done going in hard on soccer. (BBC)
Angel Di Maria says he left Manchester United because of his poor relationship with Louis van Gaal. (Guardian)
Jose Mourinho got mad at Roberto Martinez for not letting him do press first. (Mirror)
Oh, and Cristiano Ronaldo became Real Madrid's all-time top scorer in La Liga.
You should be reading
James Yorke on what's wrong with Chelsea and other stats from the Premier League weekend. (Stats Bomb)
Luca Hodges-Ramon on the bankruptcy and revival of Siena. (Beyond The Field Of Play)
Ian Walker on why Mauricio Pochettino loves Ryan Mason. (New Libero)
This weekend's games
Mason was Spurs' hero on Sunday. (Cartilage Free Captain)
Barcelona scraped by Atletico Madrid. (Barca Blaugranes)
Bayern Munich struggled to beat Augsburg, but got the points. (Bavarian Football Works)
Inter got the better of Milan in the Milan Derby. (AC Milan Offside)
You can find highlights of this weekend's MLS games here. (MLS)
And highlights of the NWSL semifinals here. (YouTube)
What to watch on Monday (all times ET, click for listings)
La Liga: Rayo vs. Depor (2:45 p.m.) - If you don't like EPL and you need to watch something.
EPL: West Ham vs. Newcastle (3 p.m.) - No one in the Premier League is properly bad yet. This should be more fun than it looks.