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Which Premier League managers would beat Arsene Wenger in a fight?

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Jose Mourinho once said that he’d break Arsene Wenger’s face. Who could actually break Arsene Wenger’s face?

Chelsea v Arsenal - Premier League Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

It's been an unusually feisty Friday morning of Premier League nonsense, as England was rocked by the revelation that Jose Mourinho, back when he was managing Chelsea, got so annoyed with Arsene Wenger that he said:

"I will find him one day outside a football pitch and I will break his face."

But if it really came down to facebreaking, which Premier League manager would prevail? Here are the definitive SB Nation Soccer rankings of Premier League Hardness, and if you disagree, well, you know what will happen.

[runs away]

1. Tony Pulis

The mean Mr. Hyde one that wears baseball caps and eats the raw flesh of injured Arsenal players. Not the pleasant Dr. Jekyll one that does bland interviews while wearing a suit.

2. Sean Dyche

If your name isn't on the list, you're not coming in.

3. Slaven Bilic

So intimidating that nobody has dared tell him that the beanie hat looks a bit silly.

4. Mark Hughes

Always in a foul mood, and possesses a devastating roundhouse kick.

5. Antonio Conte

The honey badger of Premier League scrapping.

6. Mauricio Pochettino

Looks mild enough, sure, but you don't mess around with Argentine defenders.

7. Arsene Wenger

Clever, wiry and a good long reach. Sorry, Jose.

8. Mike Phelan

Used to have a 1980s action movie mustache, which means he almost certainly has a large combat knife strapped to his calf.

9. Jürgen Klopp

Enthusiastic, but no technique whatsoever. Knocking one's own glasses off mid-punch is a fundamentally flawed approach.

10. Aitor Karanka

Whereas Karanka, we imagine, has lovely technique married to a glass jaw.

11. Walter Mazzarri

Definitely has a really big punch in him, but not much else.

12. David Moyes

Would have been higher up this list, but the spirit's gone after Old Trafford.

13. Eddie Howe

Scrappy Doo.

14. Pep Guardiola


15. Alan Pardew

The guy yelling "Hold me back! Hold me back!"

16. Ronald Koeman

A tricky one, Koeman. We've stuck him down here because we've been swayed by his fundamentally cuddly aspect, yet if it emerged that he'd beaten the life out of a man in a car park, we wouldn't be that surprised.

17. Jose Mourinho

Rui Faria can't help you now, Jose. Nobody can help you now.

18. Claude Puel

Looks kind of nice, looks kind of sad. As though he was bullied as a child, but instead of focusing his rage into hot violence and applied revenge, just decided to ignore it, grow up, and become a pleasant person. Admirable, but won't help him here.

19. Francesco Guidolin

Is, in appearance anyway, the Platonic form of Tired Dad, and so probably isn't all that in a scrap.

20. Claudio Ranieri

Come on now.