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The stories about Jamie Vardy racially abusing a man at a casino, becoming estranged from his family, and blocking a lookalike on social media days after inviting him onto Leicester's team bus have him rapidly approaching the Tyson Zone. He might have entered it with this story about his pre-game rituals, which feature him drinking a glass of wine and three Red Bulls. But that's not even the particularly notable part.
We need an explanation for this:
"I fill a small plastic water or Lucozade bottle to halfway and just sip the port while watching television."
I don't know if you've ever tried to pour something from one bottle into another bottle with a small opening, but it's difficult. If you don't have perfect technique, you'll make a massive mess. So ... does Jamie Vardy just have godly pouring technique? Does he own a funnel for this purpose? Surely he has some cups he could use, even if he doesn't have proper wine glasses?
And why doesn't he just buy wine glasses? He makes £100,000 per week. It would take 30 seconds for him to pick up his phone, find some wine glasses on Amazon or a similar retailer, then have them delivered to his house the next morning. It would cost roughly 0.05% of his weekly wages.
If I was rich, I'd hire someone to buy all the different types of wine and beer glasses for me, then put them in a cabinet that's clearly labeled so any stupid idiot (me, I'm a stupid idiot) could figure out which glasses to use for which drink. This seems like a very obvious rich person move.
Jamie Vardy sucks at being rich.
Goal of the day
In the news
The UEFA Golden Boy shortlist is out, and you can vote! (Tuttosport)
Gareth Southgate says it was important for him to step up for England after saying he didn't want the job before Sam Allardyce was hired. (BBC)
Neymar thought he could tell a Slovenian referee to go f--- himself in Spanish and get away with it, and that didn't work. (Sport)
Since accusations have come out that prospective Milan owners Sino-Europe Sport falsified bank guarantees, they've offered to up their deposit to make things right. (Football Italia)
You should be reading
Graeme Ellis on how Real Madrid scraped a draw in Dortmund despite a below-average day with the ball. (These Football Times)
Tim Vickery on the changes to Copa Libertadores, which sound dumb. (ESPN FC)
What happened on Wednesday
Celtic and Manchester City drew 3-3 in a thriller. (Bitter And Blue)
Barcelona barely scraped by Borussia Mönchengladbach. (Barca Blaugranes)
Arsenal had no problem with Basel. (The Short Fuse)
Atléti were excellent in a win over Bayern. (Into The Calderon)
What to watch on Thursday (click for listings, all times ET)
Europa League: 24 games (from 11 a.m..) -- You can probably skip the super early games. We recommend Schalke-Salzburg at 1 p.m. and Fenerbahce-Feyenoord at 3 p.m.