Here are a few obvious statements: Minnesota has a new MLS team, Minnesota is a cold place, it’s currently March, and Minnesota’s MLS team plays outdoors. Therefore:
Joining Minnesota United was Atlanta United, a fellow expansion team that shares nearly the same team name because MLS is very original. Atlanta won, 6-1, in a game that was a total footwork debacle.
How do you play soccer on a white field? Other than the part where you slip around a lot, you simply use a neon ball, as demonstrated on this second-minute goal by Atlanta’s Josef Martínez of Venezuela, where it’s 75 degrees and sunny right now. Martinez would finish with a hat trick (or the snow version: a toque trick).
That was followed by two goals for Atlanta by Miguel Almirón of Paraguay, where the weather in the capital is 78 and sunny. The team from Georgia and its roster of people born near the Equator should always play in the snow, apparently. Atlanta’s Young Jeezy tried to warn you about The Snowman.
A little snow will never keep a bunch of Minnesotans home, though, especially not for the new team’s home opener.
Also, seeing as we’re in the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers’ football stadium, keep an eye out for this guy.