WrestleMania 34! It’s now over! And we covered it from start to finish! WWE’s biggest show of the year went down in New Orleans, and we live blogged the whole thing.
The kickoff show featured three matches: the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, the Cruiserweight Championship match, and the first-ever Women’s Battle Royal. Matt Hardy won The ‘Dre, with help from his new bff, a returning Bray Wyatt. Cedric Alexander is your new Cruiserweight champ after defeating Mustafa Ali, and Naomi won the Women’s Battle Royal after Bayley thought she had won by throwing soon-to-be-former-bff Sasha Banks out.
As for the full show, you can find the live blog below. Scroll down to the bottom for the start of the show, and work your way back up.
And, if this live blog is a daunting task for you, there’s always the seven things we learned from WrestleMania 34.
Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar (c) for the WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar has had the WWE Universal Championship since he won it at WrestleMania 33 last year. Roman Reigns and Lesnar faced off at Mania 31 for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, and were interrupted by Seth Rollins’ Money in the Bank cash-in before we could find out which one was going to be the winner. This main event at WrestleMania 34 is meant to answer that question.
Lesnar quickly unleashes three German suplexes, and is already purple. Roman Reigns answers with a few Superman Punches, and we are off to the very violent races. Will this be a longer affair like their first matchup, or is this going to be a Goldberg vs. Lesnar type hard and fast fight?
It’s going to be a longer affair: Roman is now getting suplexed over and over again, and looks like he needs a nap.
Roman is coming back to life — maybe he did nap during those suplexes. Then he got kneed right in the face, though, so maybe he’s asleep again. A pin attempt, and a two-and-a-half count. Lesnar is radiating purple now.
Brock is just destroying Roman, but he won’t stay down. Multiple F-5s! More German suplexes! Putting him through an announce table! Roman won’t stay down, though. OK well he is staying down but he is still kicking out. F-5 number five and... a kick out!
Roman briefly makes a stand after being busted open — like, severely busted open, immediate crimson mask busted open — and hits a spear, but it doesn’t sit Lesnar down. Instead, Lesnar hits another F-5, and this time, Roman doesn’t kick out. Lesnar is still your reigning, defending WWE Universal Champion, and suddenly, there are a lot more questions than answers in RAW’s main event.
So. Is Brock sticking around? What’s Roman going to be up to next?
Braun Strowman and Mystery Partner vs. Sheamus and Cesaro
Braun Strowman destroyed a Mardi Gras float on his way to the ring, and then announced his mystery partner is someone from the crowd in New Orleans. What is going on here, WrestleMania is out of control.
Oh my God, Braun picked a child out of the crowd to be his tag partner. A literal child. Sheamus and Cesaro are mortified and confused, and Braun screamed at the kid to get in the ring.
His name is Nicholas.
Braun Strowman is really going to try to do this by himself. He might be able to, but he’s going to have to keep Cesaro and Sheamus from double teaming him after tags. lol they’re trash talking poor Nicholas.
NICHOLAS TAGGED IN, NICHOLAS TAGGED IN and he tagged right back out
Braun Strowman gets the pin, and Nicholas is a RAW Tag Team Champion, and so is Braun, what is even happening I don’t care don’t explain it I love it
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles (c) for the WWE Championship
Heeeeeere we go. We’re down to the final three matches of the night, and the final SmackDown bout of WrestleMania 34. It’s AJ Styles vs. men’s Royal Rumble winner Shinsuke Nakamura, in a rematch of their New Japan Pro Wrestling classic. This time, it’s for the WWE Championship, which makes more sense in a WWE match than it would have in a New Japan ring.
This entrance by Shinsuke Nakamura is incredibly Shinsuke: he has a band comprised of many violinists, many drummers, and Alice Cooper’s guitarist, Nita Strauss, shredding for him.
AJ Styles decided to just go with some fireworks and his standard entrance. Just with more lights, because it’s WrestleMania.
Let’s do this.
AJ Styles knows all Nakamura’s tricks, and it’s really hampering Shinsuke’s offensive game here early on. There is a whole lot of Styles or Nakamura kicking the legs out from under their opponent here early on. Nakamura has been going hard early, which tends to be a very good sign in his matches.
The crowd has been quieter during this match, but they seem interested — just quiet. They’re still reacting to the ebb and flow of the match.
Both of Nakamura and Styles are now on the mat, looking half-dead. Styles’ back seems to a problem for him now, which means no Styles Clash if he can’t lift Nakamura. Don’t worry, though, Styles then managed to avoid getting kicked hard, because Nakamura’s leg is hurting him. The damage meter of both wrestlers is filling up fast!
Styles hit a Phenomenal Forearm on Nakamura, but couldn’t quite get the three count — he then tried to ramp things up with a springboard 450 off the ropes, but Nakamura countered it into a pin. His leg is still bugging him, but he avoided getting crushed by one of Styles’ top flying maneuvers, so... split-decision.
Shinsuke and Styles are now trading forearms, and it seems like Styles got the upper hand as the kicks start flying. Pele Kick, but Nakamura managed to knee Styles in the back of the head and attempted another pin — still not enough to put Styles down, though.
Styles counters a Kinshasa long enough to get a Styles Clash off, and then, shockingly, pins Nakamura 1-2-3 to retain the WWE Championship. Huh. Both Royal Rumble winners lost in their championship matches, but Nia Jax, who challenged without a Rumble win, won the RAW Women’s title. Maybe Reigns will beat Lesnar the same way, sans Rumble win.
Shinsuke Nakamura just punched AJ right in the dick, so that’s a heel turn (and also the main event of the next pay-per-view, Backlash, probably). Nakamura finishes up with a Kinshasa on the outside of the ring, and Styles is going to be furious once he realizes what happened.
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss (c) for the RAW Women’s Championship
This feud has been gross, because Alexa Bliss spent it saying horrible things about Nia Jax’s body and body image, but the good news is that Nia Jax can destroy Alexa tonight and come out on top, so that the terrible person saying terrible things meets a terrible end.
Nia’s wearing gold, she’s ready to win this championship. Dress for the job you want and all that. This match might end up being short — not because of what time it is, but because Nia is full of rage and has the tools to use it, while Alexa is going to learn very quickly she is overconfident and in mortal danger.
Alexa immediately threw her buddy Mickie James in Nia’s path, and Mickie is possibly dead. And now being rag dolled. Alexa made a mistake instead of running by trying to sneak attack her, and now is hoping Nia will show mercy. Do not show mercy, Nia.
Alexa got murked repeatedly for a bit, but she started wrestling smart and trying to take Nia’s legs out, and that could keep her grounded just enough to give Alexa a chance. A chance to win? A chance to just not die? Hey, a chance is a chance.
And Nia is already back to tossing Alexa around, even if her knee is hurting more than it was.
Twisted Bliss to the outside, and Nia gets knocked down. Alexa is running circles around Nia, attacking when it’s relatively safe, and it’s letting her stay in charge of the match.
Alexa started screaming at Nia, which probably wasn’t a good plan, because it appears to have reminded Nia of why she was furious at Alexa to begin with. In a related story, Alexa is now on the mat getting hit hard, and crawling away.
Alexa keeps poking Nia in the eye, and now she’s raking her eyes, and is this ref blind what the heck call her on those! Nia doesn’t need her eyes to throw Alexa hard into the mat, at least, and, welp, Alexa is down again.
Second rope Samoan Drop, and Nia Jax is your new RAW Women’s Champion! WWE did the right thing here, because this story and Alexa’s mean girl act only works if she pays for being an asshole. And now that she’s lost her title and had her ass kicked, she has.
Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
Daniel Bryan is back! It’s his first match since retiring in February 2016, due to neck and concussion injuries. He’ll team up with SmackDown’s commissioner, Shane McMahon, to take on Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens, who Shane has hated on unfairly for months and months. Bryan was in their corner the whole time until they attacked him in response to being fired, which was the result of McMahon being attacked by the two.
Why are Shane and Bryan teaming up after this one attack? Probably because one of the two is going to turn on the other here! Let’s see which one it’ll be, while also hoping Daniel Bryan can stay as healthy as his doctors say he will.
DANIEL BRYAN IS BACK YOU GUYS DID YOU SEE, HE’S BACK, HE’S COMING TO THE RING IN WRESTLING GEAR
By the way, if Zayn and Owens win, they’re rehired by WWE. If they lose... well, I’m sure Stephanie McMahon will spitefully hire them on RAW to make her brother whom she hates angry.
A sneak attack by Owens and Zayn in the ring during their entrance theme! And Daniel Bryan has already been powerbombed into the apron, before the match even officially begins.
Bryan is being attended to by paramedics on the outside, while Shane McMahon attempts to wrestle what is, for now, a 2-on-1 handicap tag match.
Shane O’Mac is trying, but he probably doesn’t know he’s internally bleeding after coming back from surgery. Unfortunate, if you think about it.
So... does Bryan come back in for a hot tag to save Shane? Or does he show up and turn on Shane? Or does Shane get mad because Bryan is hurt and then attacks Bryan for not helping him out? STILL SO MANY POSSIBILITIES OUT HERE.
Bryan is back, and he broke up a pin on Shane! Which is good, because after I told you Shane is probably bleeding internally, he took like 17 more major moves to his gut.
Bryan tags in! Sami Zayn looks unsure of what is about to happen to him. Bryan is motoring, it’s like 2013-2014 all over again, replete with knees to faces.
Bryan’s not invincible, of course, and Zayn managed to work his way back into a pinning attempt on Bryan before tagging Owens in. Owens promptly eviscerated McMahon — not literally, though again, maybe Shane’s stitches opened up and his guts are spilling out!
The kicks to Zayn’s chest! The running knee! The YES Lock! Daniel Bryan gets Sami Zayn to tap out in the middle of the ring, and Owens and Zayn remain unemployed. No heel turn by Daniel, no turn by Shane, and their opponents will need to ask Stephanie McMahon for a job.
You guys. Daniel Bryan is back.
John Cena just came out to the ring!
John Cena heard that the Undertaker is in the building, which means he has a chance to actually get an answer about whether Taker will wrestle him here at WrestleMania 34. So, now Cena is out in the ring, presumably to call him out now that he knows he’s in a place to answer.
A ref came down and told Cena something he did not like hearing. Did Undertaker already leave the arena?
The lights just went out! ahahaha it’s Elias with his acoustic guitar, here to play a song! This is some incredible troll game by Elias, his finest work.
And now they’re fighting, because Cena is very mad with the Undertaker. Seems rude to interrupt a concert put on for these 70,000 people in attendance, though, selfish John much?
The lights went out again! And now Taker’s gear is in the ring, what the hell? Blue spotlight! VR lightning! IT’S HAPPENING THERE’S THE GONG IT’S HAPPENING
TAKER IS BACK, AND HE IS UPSET ABOUT ELIAS’ CONCERT BEING ENDED, I BET
oh no, what if... what if
WHAT IF THE UNDERTAKER IS JUST VR, TOO— Marc Normandin (@Marc_Normandin) April 9, 2018
If Cena punches straight through Taker like so much Mark Hamill I don’t even know if I should be upset or impressed.
This is such a huge deal, they’re actually fighting, John Cena and Undertaker are fighting at WrestleMania. And Taker is moving so much better than last year during his supposed retirement match, where he had one hip working for him and one working against him the entire time.
Man they are speeding through this — Taker already Tombstoned Cena, and that’s the match! Cena did not expect Taker to ever answer this challenge, did he? Taker back, Cena now gets to be lost in thought about what went wrong, and this is going to lead to an intriguing path for each, probably.
Will we get the actually worst year of Cena’s career this time around, instead of when they pretended it was like that back before WrestleMania 29?
New Day vs. The Usos (c) vs. The Bludgeon Brothers for the SmackDown Tag Team Championships
Here we go! Tag team wrestling for a title is happening, y’all. I honestly cannot describe the New Day entrance to you in a way that does it justice, but it involves pancakes and people dressed as stacks of pancakes and everyone throwing pancakes into the crowd, and also the people dressed as pancakes did the worm as a group.
The Bludgeon Brothers are in control early, and it takes a few minutes for anyone to start wrestling the match according to the rules, by, you know, tagging in a tag match and such.
Man, New Day and the Usos just never had a real chance here: the Bludgeon Brothers win with ease by separating all of their opponents and dominating each one until there was no one left to stop them.
That was a bit of a cool down match for the crowd, but after the Ronda/Steph tag, it was a necessary breather.
Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle vs. Stephanie McMahon and Triple H
There is a fleet of motorcycles on the entrance ramp right now, so you can tell this is Triple H and Stephanie entering even if The Game’s theme song wasn’t playing in the Superdome. Steph’s gear looks biker-inspired, and the couple both did Triple H’s water spit on the apron. They’re so in love, and they need to pay for it.
Aw mom and dad kissed and they’re evil, too, gross.
And here’s Ronda Rousey, who didn’t get a special entrance, but she is getting cheers at WrestleMania, so that’s something.
Ronda really needs to be a badass here and stop smiling so much, be looking like you’re capable of murder at any moment, Rousey, come on.
Triple H and Kurt Angle start this match off — expect to see a lot of the two of them in this mixed-match tag match, as Stephanie is a wrestler every few years, and Rousey is in her debut.
The crowd seems ready for Stephanie McMahon to get some long-overdue comeuppance, which is a good reminder that putting the controversial Ronda in her first match against Steph was a good idea.
Kurt Angle ducked, and Triple H nearly hit Stephanie in the face with a punch. Remember last year, when Aitch accidentally hit his wife because Seth Rollins moved? Stephanie is understandably taking a second to breathe there, but she didn’t break long, coming down to attack Ronda Rousey from behind and pull her off the apron to keep Angle from tagging out.
Ronda finally gets tagged in, and the crowd explodes! As does Stephanie, all over the mat and in the corner, as Rousey throws her around and starts raining down punches. The crowd is now chanting “Break her arm,” and Ronda is setting up for the arm bar in response. Stephanie is strong, though, and she got herself out of it and back on top with a counter.
Stephanie is being an opportunistic shit, which is perfect for her, obviously. The crowd is dying for Ronda to break out of every Stephanie assault — they’re doing a great job of utilizing everyone’s strengths here.
Stephanie made the mistake of stopping attacking and instead mocked Ronda, and wouldn’t you know it, Ronda now has Stephanie on her shoulders and boom, on the mat for a pin attempt.
lol, Triple H pulled the ref off to break up the count, and then ripped Rousey out of the ring for good measure. Kurt Angle is back, though, and he’s as ready to punch Triple H as he is very red right now.
Ronda wants Triple H, oh shit. The ref wants this to not happen, but Ronda wants to kill him, and Triple H pulled the ref aside to let him know it was cool, this is now an intergender tag match. welp Triple H can’t block a flurry of Ronda punches, but Stephanie stopped her from a Samoan drop, and she knows she’s going to pay for it and went running.
Angle back! He’s throwing German suplexes on Triple H, and Stephanie McMahon is too unconscious at ring side to interfere in some opportunistic way! Triple H nearly got off a Pedigree, but Angle countered, and we’re countering again. Angle Slam! Triple H kicked out at two-and-a-half.
This match is a lot of fun, y’all.
Angle just put Stephanie McMahon into an Ankle Lock! THERE ARE NO LONGER ANY RULES JUST CHAOS
Rousey breaks up a pin after Triple H Pedigrees Angle as retribution for the Ankle Lock, and now he’s trying to Pedigree Ronda. He changed his mind and went for a powerbomb, but Ronda reversed it with a hurricanrana into an arm bar!
Ronda had Steph in an arm bar while Angle had Aitch in an ankle lock, but Triple H pushed Angle off of him and into Ronda, so now everyone is on the mat.
Ronda has got Stephanie isolated in the middle of the ring, and she locks in the arm bar. Stephanie is screaming “NO!” and “PLEASE!” and Ronda isn’t having any of it. Ronda might have just broken Stephanie’s arm applying additional pressure, and Steph taps out! Ronda and Kurt defeat the McMahon-Helmsley squad in Ronda’s WWE debut.
That was a hell of a mixed tag match, booked to everyone’s strengths. If this is how Ronda’s time will be, she’s going to be very popular.
Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton (c) for the United States Championship
It’s Rusev Day! Rusev Day takes precedence over Bobby Roode’s entrance, even, because the crowd didn’t even boo the song being interrupted by Aiden English’s hype for Rusev.
By the way, a ref told John Cena that Undertaker is in the building. Cena felt some kind of ways about it.
So... Taker vs. Cena later?
The only wrestler in this match who hasn’t previously been United States Champion is Jinder Mahal, which is probably why he thinks he becomes ruler of America if he wins it.
Rusev and Jinder were the only two still standing in the ring, and Jinder tried to reunite with his former friend for an advantage, but Rusev wasn’t buying it, and instead kicked him in the corner again and again and again.
Jinder Mahal is now the ruler of America. He’s the new United States Champion, which hopefully means we’re getting a feud with Rusev, the true champion of the people.
This was a Fatal Four Way, but was also kind of a cool down in a way — lots of spamming big moves and isolating opponents, and hey, it’s fun while it lasts and works as a bridge to the next big thing.
Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair (c) for the SmackDown Women’s Championship
Asuka is undefeated in WWE — 256-0. Charlotte Flair is the most dominant WWE women’s champion going, as he’s a six-time winner and the current champ on SmackDown. They’re facing off at Mania, the best vs. the best, and we’ll figure out which one is actually the best tonight.
Charlotte’s entrance was incredible. Ric Flair’s theme played while she was brought out on an enormous throne, and then three centurions helped her off of it and led her down the ramp before her own theme kicked in.
Asuka didn’t get as dramatic an entrance, but the Royal Rumble winner has a trophy she wants to win. It’s Charlotte’s head, by the way. I’m sure Asuka will settle for the SmackDown Women’s Championship, though.
They are not taking it slow at first — they went right into acrobatics and violent pushes. Someone tell Charlotte that once Asuka gets hit in the face, she gets incredibly angry and destructive.
Charlotte is having some real trouble with Asuka, who keeps on attacking from every angle, and real often with her feet oh no Charlotte punched Asuka in the face oh no oh no no one warned her like I said you should.
Charlotte hasn’t paid for the deed yet, and in fact has finally taken control. A backpack stunner, and now driving Asuka’s face right into the mat repeatedly. Charlotte’s going up top, it’s moonsault time and holy shit Asuka turned a moonsault into a triangle choke holy shit you can do that?
No, you can’t do that, Asuka can, though.
Asuka is taking a beating after Charlotte escaped the choke, but you have to remember, this isn’t the first time Asuka has taken serious damage. She just never ends up losing in the end, and Charlotte cannot let up because of it.
She’s going to let up for at least a little bit, though, because Asuka just suplexed her off the apron onto the outside, and it looked really, really painful.
Asuka is holding Charlotte’s arms behind Charlotte’s back and kicking her head into the mat.
OH MAN CHARLOTTE JUST DID A SPANISH FLY OFF THE TOP ROPE TO ASUKA AND ASUKA SLAMMED HARD THIS MATCH IS AWESOME
Asuka responded to that and a Natural Selection by putting a modified octopus hold on Charlotte, and hoo man is that painful looking and also likely painful, just maybe! They are going to kill each other to win. Big spear from Charlotte, but a kick out from Asuka!
Charlotte has somehow locked in the Figure Eight even though she can only plant on one arm, and WHAT?! Asuka tapped out! Asuka’s win streak is over, and Charlotte is still the SmackDown Women’s Champion.
In my professional opinion, that was a goddamn great wrestling match.
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. Miz (c) for the Intercontinental Championship
Rollins comes out first, looking like a White Walker with ice-blue contacts to go with his Kingslayer theme. He’s followed by the Steampunk Naruto version of Miz, who sends the Miztourage, Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas, to the back — he’s going to do it himself.*
*Miz is just smart enough to send his cronies to the back until he needs them, in order to keep them from being thrown out.
Here’s Finn Balor, not coming out as the demon, but instead with a large group of people wearing his new “Balor Club For Everyone” shirt, and with gear featuring the LGBTQ+ rainbow.
Miz is in control here early, even though he’s basically fighting both of Rollins and Finn at the same time given they’re bigger fans of beating up Miz than they are of hurting each other...
[dramatic musical cue]
Man, Miz is still in control, as he’s managed to isolate Balor and Rollins one after another, keeping it to a one-on-one match each time. He’s done it so effectively, too, that he’s got Balor locked up in the Figure Four in the middle of the ring, and Rollins is nowhere to be found to break it up ahahah as I was typing that Rollins flew off the turnbuckle and broke it up with a splash.
A near fall, and everyone is laying on the ground hurting.
Seth nearly got the powerbomb to the barricade on Finn — the same one that caused Balor to need shoulder surgery and necessitated the dropping of the just-won Universal Championship back in 2016. Balor avoided it, though, then did a running dropkick into Rollins, which sent him crashing into Miz, and both of them into the barricade.
Bucklebomb to the Miz from Rollins! Then Rollins pulled off a superplex he tried to roll into a second suplex, but Balor reversed it into a pin! Miz capitalizes after and hits his finisher, the Skull Crushing Finale, on Rollins, but can’t get the pin to seal the deal.
Bulldog from the top rope from Miz to Rollins! But Finn is there to hit the Coup De Grace on Miz, breaking up what was a 2.999999 count, yeesh that was close.
Seth Rollins hits a Blackout on Finn Balor, and then follows it up with a Blackout on Miz, and there it is! Seth Rollins is the Intercontinental Champion, and he’s the newest Grand Slam champion: every member of the Shield is now a Grand Slam champion!